Dear God ...

Dear God,

I know ....

I am the last person on this earth that should be asking You for blessings ...

As there is no one I know that You love ... more than You love me.

There is no one ... that has been more blessed.

There is no one ... that has had more happiness.

There is no one ... that has known more love.

And yet ... here I am.

Asking for your help ...

Pleading ...

Kneeling before you in humble prayer ...

Please ...

Take some of the light, Lord ...

That You have so graciously and so abundantly shown on my life ...

And move that light ...

Move it ...

To shine just as brightly ...

To shine just as mercifully ...

To shine just as lovingly ...

On the life of this child ...

Take some of my light, Lord ...

The light that is filled with Your love ...

Take it ...

Please ...

And shine it on him ...

I have more than enough to share.

Update On Our Baby

I want to thank everyone for all the prayers for our sweet little baby. It is a difficult time for our family and we are grateful for all the thoughts and prayers. We are just taking it one day at a time.

The baby seems to be doing okay for now. He is a fighter, but he has a long road ahead, as does his parents (my nephew and his girlfriend) and all of our families. We will do all we can do and surround this child with our love and support and pray that God stays close and keeps a merciful hand on our little boy.

Please continue to keep our baby and his parents in your thoughts and prayers. Please pray for the doctors and nurses taking care of him. I truly believe in the power of prayer, as I know many of you do! It is in God's hands.

Thank you so much for your support and kindness to me and my family. Thank you for showing so much love and concern for this precious little boy!

(*Note - this precious picture is of our baby - it is his sweet little hand*)

Evening of 3/6/08 - Our baby is hanging in there. They took him off the respirator for a while today. He's back on. His oxygen level was of bit of a concern and I understand they increased his oxygen. He's a little fighter. Thank you for all your prayers. Please continue to ask God to look over him - it is going to be a long road.

Please Pray For Our Baby

On Wednesday, a new baby came into our family.

This is my mother's very first great-grandchild, my sister's first grandchild and this baby makes me a great-aunt. This is my sweet nephew's baby.

We are very excited about this sweet new baby, but there are serious problems. The baby was born too early. Due to complications, the baby had to be taken by C-Section early Wednesday afternoon and is now in serious condition in the Neonatal ICU. The baby is about 24 weeks and was born weighing only about 1 lb. He is about 11" long and cried loud and hard when he was delivered. He has good movement and is hanging on, but it is indicated by the doctors that the first week is the most dangerous and there is concern for the baby's brain, lungs and heart. Right now, he is doing well, but these are the areas of concern and where issues can arise.

Our new baby has a name, but I do not feel comfortable giving the name or that of his parents - only to say that they are my family and I love them and I am worried beyond words.

My sister, mother and I went to the hospital Wednesday evening and were able to see the baby (my sister and mother did). He is tiny, but precious and doing as well as can be expected. Thursday, my sister went by and saw the baby again. The doctor's seemed pleased with his current condition and feel he is a fighter and doing well right now.

I hope you will pray for our baby. Please pray that God stays close and protects him and if it is His will that this baby stays with us, that he will grow strong and healthy. Please pray that the doctors and nurses looking after him are guided by God's hand.

Thank you God ... for this baby - We love him very much!

Either Speed Up ... Or Shuffle On Out Of My Way

I am a fast talker.

I use lots of hand gestures when I talk.

I don't do anything slowely.

Most of all ... I walk really fast - everywhere.

I sit down - and then I stand up quickly, run and do something and then run and do something else. I am a multi-tasker and I have perfected this art.

So ... imagine me - this very busy mother - running up and down the hallway by our bedrooms. In one room and out of the other. In and out of the bathroom, grabbing towels and brushes. Putting away clothes. Wiping off counters. Picking up toys.

And then ... imagine Alexis.

She has just gotten out of the bathtub.

She has a towel wrapped tightly around her chubby body - from her neck all the way down to her slippery little toes.

She is coming from my bathroom.

She yells loudly, "Mom ----- do you know how long baby steps take?" *baby step ...... baby step ........ baby step ........ baby step ....... baby step ............*

Now ... imagine me .... stopping all of my running around long enough to view this phenominon from the end of the hallway ..... *baby step .......... baby step ............ baby step ............. baby step .........*

Let me just say ..... It takes a long time!

She was still there in the hallway 5 minutes later - making her way to her bedroom - leaving tiny baby-step-wet-footprints on the wood floor.

And me - I had baked a casserole, given both dogs a bath, defrosted the freezer, stripped and waxed the kitchen floor....

Okay - not really - we have saltillo tile - it doesn't require waxing (tee hee).

The point is ... this story ... pretty much sums up my whole life.

Just imagine ... my husband, my 15 year old twin daughters, my 10 year old son and then, of course, sweet little Alexis ... all shuffling around my house .... taking ...... baby steps ........ baby steps ......... baby steps ........... baby steps ...........

On the upside ... I'm not sure who looks more ridiculous - me, moving at the speed of light - or the rest of them - shuffling along in perpetual slow motion. We are like a carnival side-show --- "Step right up ... here you will see CRAZY MOM-WOMAN zooming around at rocket speed ...doing all the work, while ... her smarter, slower-moving family shuffles along ... just stirring up dust - it is a pathetic sight to behold!"

The "Old Lady" Blues

I'd had a pretty busy day.

It was a hard day of cleaning house, sorting through paper-work, cleaning out the refrigerator - you know - a hard day.

I took a shower about 3:00 in the afternoon. If I hadn't had to go out, I wouldn't have done much with my hair, but I knew I was going to have to go pick Little Billy up at school at 4:00, so ... I blew dry my hair with a round brush and pulled some of it up on the top of my head with a barrette. Let's just say ... it was straight and clean and smooth looking, but ... it was not my usual style (curled up - poofed out - sprayed with tons of hairspray). Nor, was it necessarily attractive.

I didn't care.

It was clean.

So, the afternoon wore on. Into the evening, my twins arrive home from school after softball practice.

My husband and the twins have stopped by Sonic to pick up dinner for the family and Chloe brings my bag of food and my drink up to my room and sits it on my desk.

She looks at my hair.

She says -- "Your hair's different."

I laugh - from the look on her face. I say, "Yes it is."

She says, "I'm not sure I like it," squinting her eyes. "Sort of makes you look old," and she then has the nerve to sit on the edge of my bed.

I stop laughing.

"What do you mean - old?" I whimper.

"Like an old lady - you know - old."

I stand up and walk over to the mirror above my dresser to see my hair.

She stands up and turns to walk out of my room. She looks back and says, "That's okay ---- if that's the look you're going for," and she's gone.


Yep - I'm going for ... the old lady look!


On the upside ... I am left alone in my room, looking at my old-lady hair-do in the mirror. I reach up and take the barrette out, run my fingers through my smooth tresses - fluff it a bit - walk into the bathroom and spray it with a TON of hairspray. I look back into the mirror. "That's better," I say out loud. "Nothing a little hairspray can't fix," and ... it was totally better. It must have been that barrette. I threw that STUPID gold barrette back in the drawer and went back to my desk to enjoy my delicious chili-cheese fries and peach iced-tea. Okay ... I know - old ladies probably love peach tea - but ... there aren't many I know that order chili-cheese fries (I could be wrong about this.)

Weekend Contest Winners!!

First, let me say that I appreciate everyone that participated in my weekend Question Contest - it was fun! I'm also sorry if you did not win!

WE HAVE OUR 4 WINNERS!!! My Small Cowboy picked 4 numbers (out of 231 entries) out of a cowboy hat and ...

The 4 winners are:

Janice (The Cook Gang)
Lucille (Who's Going To Tell You?)
Pam (Random Thoughts)
Tammy (Thankful For Another Day).

Congratulations to all of you that won!!

Please make sure you e-mail me with your name and address and gift certificate preference (Target, Old Navy, Starbucks or Barnes & Nobel). My e-mail is ontheupside.

For anyone interested in the questions and answers - I have moved these 2 posts to the beginning of my archives (8/22/07).

The Small Cowboy

I am at the elementary school.

I have just finished my Friday morning voluteering in my son's classroom - stuffing the Friday folders.

I see my son and call him over to say good-bye. He is wearing a black cowboy hat, jeans and a pink cowboy shirt - as it is Western Day at school - he looks A-dorable.

I hug him and he lets me.

I leave and as I am walking down the hallway and about six classrooms away from my son's classroom, I hear footsteps running up behind me and my son saying, "Mom, Mom ..."

I turn in his direction.

He is a bit out of breath and he says, "Can I ... (*fake panting*) Can I ... have someone spend the night ....... (*pant, pant*) next .... weekend?"

I put my hands on my hips and looking into the eyes of the cowboy in front of me, I say, in a loud whishper "I know you didn't just come running out here from your class .... to ask me if you can have someone spend the night ---- NEXT WEEKEND!"

"I asked my teacher if I could come tell you something - she said it was okay," he's shuffling in his cowboy boots and fidgeting.

"Yes, but she didn't know you were going to ask me this. You have a camping trip this weekend - next weekend is 7 days away - we'll talk about it later. Now ... get back to class," I push him along and turn to go on my way.

Before I turn the corner, I hear, "Mom, Mom ..." in a loud whisper, and I look back.

He is standing in the middle of the hallway, turning on his cowboy boot heels and he says, "Thank- ya Ma'am," in a thick Texas drawl and then he reaches up to the front of his hat, grabs the brim between his fingers and tips it at me - like he's John Wayne talking to Miss Daisy in front of the Wild Rose Saloon.

A teacher, walking up behind my theatrical son, sees this Gun Smoke reinactment and she laughs.

I laugh.

The small cowboy bows his head, moves out of the way of the two ladies, turns and shuffles across the dusty road (*hallway*) back into the saloon (*his classroom*).

On the upside ... So, if all goes according to the cowboy's plan -- there will be a showdown (*sleep-over*) the following weekend. That is ... if he can convince Miss Daisy to prepare a room for one of his buddies. Miss Daisy never could resist the small cowboy - he most likely ... will have his way (*cue sun to set dramatically in the Western sky*).

End Of Contest

Thank you so much to all of you that entered my weekend contest. I never really imagined there would be so many questions! There was a total of 231 questions and I answered all but 1 - in the post titled "Answers (A ridiculously long post)". The 1 I didn't answer was from Laura: "I would love to know more about your twins story." I will answer this question in April, for my twins' birthday. (I have moved the contest/answers posts to the beginning of my archives (Aug. 2007), if you are looking for them.)


I will publish the 4 winners Monday evening. I will notify the winners in advance.

Thanks again!!! I really appreciate all the thoughtful and fun questions! I enjoyed reading and answering all of them! I hope you feel that your questions were answered thoroughly and honestly.

She Is Such A Little Diva

It is a morning when my twins are at basketball practice.

Alexis and I are home alone, as Little Billy had gone to work on this day with his Daddy.

I am in a rush, as I have to go pick the girls up at their school and I scream down the stairs, "Alexis - you have to come and get ready to go. I'm going to pull out your clothes and you need to come and get dressed."

She heard what I said and yelled back, "I'll pick out something - I want to pick it out," and she came running up the stairs as fast as she could run - so as to catch me before I picked out her clothes.

I stopped looking in her closet and turned to leave her room. I turned back and said, "Okay - but don't pick out anything WEIRD - just pick out some pants and a shirt."

As I was walking down the hallway I heard her say, "What do you mean 'Anything weird?'" in her little diva voice, like how-dare-I-insinuate-that-she-has-no-taste!

I just smiled.


On the upside ... She did okay picking out her outfit on this one day. But ... for future reference ... anything weird includes:

• Capri pants or shorts ... when it is 40 degrees outside.
• Flip-flops ... when it is 40 degrees outside.
• The brown sequined jacket - that should really not be worn ANYWHERE!
• Your white patent-leather Sunday shoes with anything other than your Sunday dresses.
• Your black patent-leather Sunday shoes with anything other than your Sunday dresses.
• Your leopard print gymnastics leotard with any sort of tutu.
• Your black cowboy boots with anything other than blue jeans.
• Any Princess dress from your dress-up trunk.
• Any pajama bottoms that sort-of look like pants.
• Blue or red or pink or purple bandannas wrapped around your head or waist or wrists or ankles...

Do I need to go on ...

Somtimes ... You Should Just Stay Close To Home

I have a husband of 23 years.


I have 4 kids for the past 15 years.


I have a house and yard to take care of.


I have meals to make.


Mouths to feed.


Laundry to do.


Bills to pay.


Shopping.


I have 2 dogs.


I have 3 cats.


I have a lot of stuff to do in my world!



So ... the other day ... when our yellow cat - Garfield - came home - CASTRATED ... I could not have been more pleased!


With Garfield, we open the door - let him in to eat and sleep and then let him out when he wants out and he wanders around at night and comes back when he pleases. Sometimes ... he is gone for several days at a time.


Apparently ... over the course of the past several weeks, he has been, not only, going in and out of our house to sleep and eat - but in and out of someone else's house as well - because ... his other family decided to have poor Garfield - FIXED!



Like I said ... I could not have been more pleased!



I can now cross that worry off of my to-do list - YIPPIE!


Along with the shots - as I have to assume his other family probably got those for him as well - took care of all of it while he was in for the snip-snip operation.


My kids were not at all pleased.

They were quite distressed.

"He's our cat," they all screamed, upon hearing (and seeing) the news. "We need to get a collar and put a tag on it that says 'This is Garfield and he HAS A HOME - SEND HIM BACK HOME.'" They were not happy - at all.

I tried to explain to these kids that this was a good thing - how the other family was there to also take care of him if he wandered by and all - how the other family could be the one to continue to take care of the veterinary bills - all good!

But, they didn't want to hear any of it.


On the upside ... We honestly believed that he had come back - trying to maybe get away from the other family that had done this to him, but ... he's gone again. And ... just for the record - when he comes back again - and he will - I AM NOT BUYING THAT CAT A COLLAR! This is the pefect arrangement as far as I am concerned.

Girl ... What Tree Did You Fall From?

My twins are pretty smart girls.

They have always gotten really good grades in school and have taken challenging courses - always.

I was never that smart in school.

I'm still not all that smart.

Anyways ... recently, Chloe got a lower grade than she expected on an algebra II test.

She says that she was very upset when she got the test back and she began to cry. She says that a friend (a boy) that sits near her in the algebra class asked her why she was so upset and she explained, "I got a C," tears streaming down her face.

"You're upset, because you got a C?" the boy was confused.

"My mom will be mad," Chloe tried to explain, "She will probably take away my phone and then my IPOD and then ... she'll take away my books," more tears.

"She'll take away your books?" the boy asked, "How will you study?" he was even more confused.

"Not my school books, " she clarified, "The books I read just for ... fun."

She says the boy's eyes kind of glazed over and he said, "You do that ... read books for f-un?"

She and I could not stop laughing.

It's true.

Sometimes ... I threaten to take away their books.

On the upside ... You know that saying, "The apple does not fall far from the tree"? That saying does not always apply. When I was a kid ... my parents would have had to have threatened to ... MAKE ME READ A BOOK, as punishment! My girls ... I threaten to take them away (*throws head back and laughs loudly at the thought of how ridiculous this sounds - HAHAHAHAHAHA*)!

Monkey See ... Monkey Do

I try to set the best example for my children.

I am not always the one these kids should be looking to for guidance - really - but, I do the best I can.

I keep my house clean.

I keep our clothes clean.

I stand up straight and listen when I am spoken to.

I chew with my mouth shut.

I eat all the food on my plate.

I take off muddy shoes at the door.

I do my best.

The other day, I heard Alexis, talking to her cousin in the upstairs hallway of our house.

Alexis says, "When you get older ... you can color your hair any color you want."

My niece says, "I know," in her, don't-act-like-you're-the-only-one-that-knows-everything kind of voice.

Alexis ignored this snippy response, like I have taught her, and proceeded to say, "When I get older ... I'm going to color my hair pink."

My niece, still acting like she is following this conversation says, "Well ... that is just rid-ic-ulous."

Alexis, finding this snippy comment a bit more than she was prepared to just ignore, says, "You're rid-ic-ulous," in her I'm-going-to-have-pink-hair-if-I-want-to kind of voice.

My niece, tiring of this rid-ic-ulous discussion, turns and walks away, but then swings back around and says, "Well ... I've never seen any real person ... with pink hair. You can't have pink hair!"

Alexis, running after her cousin and almost in tears, screams, "I CAN HAVE PINK HAIR IF I WANT TO HAVE PINK HAIR!" at the top of her six year old lungs.

I am standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up, and Alexis sees me.

She bows her head and shuffles her feet. She says, "Well ... I can," in a very tiny voice.

On the upside ... I just smiled up at her and shook my head and said, "Yes you can." And then I said, "And ... you can also go and apologize to your cousin for screaming like a crazy person," and she did.

Honestly, I don't know who this child has been watching, where she believes it necessary to SCREAM sometimes at the top of her lungs to get her point across ...........

Oh, now I remember ......... that would be ME!

Attention All Shoppers

Not too long ago, I was at Wal-Mart with my four children and we pulled down one the aisles of the parking lot. I stopped to wait for a lady to pull out, so I could get her spot. The parking lot was packed that day and I was determined to get this one space - so I sat there and waited.

There was this guy in the car behind me. I could see in my rear view mirror that he was becoming frustrated. At one point I saw him raise both hands in the air as if to say, "What's up - what's the hold up?" I waved him around (I don't know why he just kept on sitting there anyway). When he finally drove past me, I rolled down my window and screamed, "It's a PARKING LOT! I'M WAITING FOR A PARKING SPACE! IT'S-- A-- PARKING-- LOT!"

My kids said, "Whoa, Mom. Settle down. Why are you so angry?"

I was angry. Men have no concept of this whole shopping thing. I was waiting for a PARKING SPOT!

I don't think men should even be allowed in these stores. They never know where anything is, they never care when they are in everyone's way and they are clueless as to how serious we women are about this shopping RITUAL! They need to stay out of these stores or at least ... enter and leave through the auto repair department - back by the tools - we never go near that section of the store!

I'm not normally an angry driver - but, I am an angry shopper - so get out of my way!

Billy never goes to these stores, unless one of the children persuades him to. He confines his shopping to auto parts stores, tool stores, office supply stores, an occasional grocery store and home improvement stores. He's smart enough to stay out of the stores I am in.

We never go shopping together either. Billy hates shopping. Maybe he hasn't realized yet that he could possibly use these outings as opportunities to rack up more points for himself. Surly if people were to see the two of us together at Penny's or Sears, they would say, "Poor Billy. Look how miserable he looks." And, because he walks so much slower than me, it would likely come across as if he was tagging along and people would probably say, "Poor thing - she's always dragging him everywhere."

I don't want him in these stores, as he'd only slow me down and he's completely unhappy to be there. I don't have the time to teach him how to enjoy shopping. Nor do I have the time to stop and correct any of his bad etiquette habits. I have a hard enough time minding my own manners: "Excuse me - Can you help me, please - Sorry - Thanks a lot." There are absolutely too many pleasantries and manners required while shopping. Billy is not equipped to handle this duty on his own and I don't have the patience. I'm already dealing with other women's obnoxious husbands, wandering teenagers, out of control toddlers, crying babies, rude sales clerks and slow moving old people, in the aisles of these stores I frequent - I don't want Billy there too and I certainly don't need anyone to see us together so my husband can rack up anymore "Poor Billy" points.

On the upside ... "Get in - get out," that's how my husband describes the perfect shopping experience. Not me - Nooooo! I need me some serious foreplay and a cigarette after (tee hee)!

UPDATE ...

I'M GOING!

I've made up my mind and ... I'm going to the BlogHer Conference in July!

I've heard that JCK (Motherscribe), MamaGeek (What Works For Us), Slouching Mom (Slouching Past 40), Jen (One Plus Two), Vasquez3 and others are planning on going - I'M GOING TOO! I hope I heard right about these ladies going - I look forward to meeting all of them!

I reserved my room and registered for the 3 day conference!

I'm very excited!

I hope some of you are going too!!!

Leaving On Jet Plane - Well, Maybe

Most of you know that I live in TEXAS.

What you probably don't know ... is that I have never been to Californ-I-A.

I AM THINKING SERIOUSLY ABOUT GOING!

To San Francisco - in July.

I am!

Do you know why?

That is when the BLOGHER '08 CONFERENCE is. It's July 18 - July 20 and I think it sounds like a great way to meet other bloggers and learn some new stuff about blogging from a bunch of great speakers.

Here is the link for those of you that have not heard - http://guest.cvent.com/EVENTS/Info/Summary.aspx?e=c701d03d-8273-4451-a339-6e7e0eae5e4b.

How about you? Are you going?

On the upside ... NO KIDS - THREE DAYS IN SAN FRANCISCO - MEET SOME OF MY BLOGGING BUDDIES - DID I MENTION ...NO KIDS - I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT GOING!

Hon ... It's FEBRUARY!

All over the world right now - IT IS SNOWING!!

In some areas of the United States - there have been record snowfalls this year.

We have not had even one snowflake here at my house - not even one.

It is highly likely that we will go through this entire winter and not see one flake of snow.

But ...

It is still nippy outside.

Most days it is downright COLD.

On Monday, February 18th - President's Day - it was in the 60's - very sunny and yet 60 degrees is still chilly in my book. I was so chilled that I wore a long pair of pants with a long sleeved shirt to match. When I was in my house, I kept a blanket thrown across my lap to keep the chill away.

At about 1:00 in the afternoon, I went to get in my car to go pick up my son from his friends' house.

Alexis - who was in the front yard playing with my niece - came running up to my car window - running in her bare feet, by the way - running towards me in her short sleeved shirt and cropped to the knees capri pants - running with the breeze blowing through her loose hair. She stands on the driveway ... looks up at me with those dark brown eyes and she says ...

"Can we go swimming today?"

I am in my van, with my sweater buttoned to my chin and the heat cranked up on high to take the chill off in my car and I say, "Wwhaat?" (*blink - blink*)

More excited now, honestly believing this is a reasonable and possible request, she asks again, "Please ... can we go swimming today?"

I shake my head in astonishment, "Alexis - it is FEBRUARY!"

She, with the Texas sun shining on her face and with no clue that FEBRUARY means that it is still WINTER, says, "So, can we? I'm so hot and look - the sun's out?" she points up to the Texas sky.

I say, "Uh - No."

"Maybe when you get back," she tries to reason with me.

I say, "I don't think so," putting exaggerated emphasis on all the syllables in these words.

"Maybe when it's Spring?" she has such a hopeful look on her face.

"Yes," I say - and drive away; leaving her and my niece playing barefooted on the driveway... on a sunny ... February day.

On the upside ... Lucky for me she doesn't really know when SPRING is and ... the way our weather goes here in Texas - it will either definitely be warm enough for her to go swimming when Spring actually arrives - or ... we could have an ICE STORM or the first freak snow of the decade. I will just cross that bridge when Sring gets here. For now ... SHE IS NOT GOING SWIMMING ON THIS PRESIDENTS' DAY - I don't care how sunny it is outside - Sorry Hon.

Now ... run get mommy a blanket.

I Think, One Day ... Sweet Boy ... They Will Be Waiting For You

I was making dinner the evening of Valentine's Day.

Little Billy was sitting in the living room watching TV.

Eventually, he came over to the stove, pulled up a barstool and sat down to watch me cook.

"How was your day today, Little Billy?"

He reached over and began stirring the pot of corn on the stove with a spoon and he says, "It was good. I gave my teachers their Valentine's gifts - they liked them," he never looked up. "I also gave a present to D."

I was surprised. "You gave what present to D?"

He looked up and cracked a sly smile and said, "A stuffed dog. One of those I bought with Dad the other day - one with a heart in his mouth - you remember," he said, batting those dark brown eyelashes over chocolate colored eyes.

"You did?" I poked him on the shoulder and he laughed. "I didn't know you gave her a Valentine's present. What did she say?"

Dropping the spoon now in the pot of corn and straightening himself on the stool, he says, "She didn't know it was me that gave it to her. I didn't put my name on it. I just sat it on her desk. Her mom says she's too young to like boys - so I didn't want to make her mom mad - ya know?"

I smiled at my sweet, romantic boy. "So ... she didn't know you were the one that gave it to her?"

"I think she knew," he said. "Everyone kept saying that it was me - but I kept denying it - but, I think she knew."

I continued to cook my meal and Little Billy sat on the stool and helped me out. A short time later, after I had mixed up the cold pasta salad with mayonnaise and put it in the refrigerator to chill, Little Billy says, "Can I have girlfriends now - Mom?"

I answered quickly, "No," and smiled. "What do want with a girlfriend? Do you think you are old enough for a girlfriend?"

"I think I am, " he said sweetly.

"What are you gonna do with them - kiss them and stuff," I leaned over and snuggled to his neck and kissed him.

He laughed and said, "No," and then thought for a moment. "Not yet," he said coyly. "Plus ... I guess I'll have to wait until next year to have a girlfriend, anyways."

"Why is that?" I asked, turning the sausage in the skillet with a fork.

"Because D's mom won't let her have a boyfriend this year - maybe she can be my girlfriend next year."

Finding this discussion very sweet and very serious, I say, "You would wait until next year to have a girlfriend - just so you could wait to have D for your girlfriend?"

He smiled and said, "Have you ever seen her, Mom? She is so worth it."

On the upside ... I just love that he doesn't have a clue how cute he is. I also love knowing that whatever girl is lucky enough to win my sweet boy's heart, is definitely going to be .... one lucky little girl!

What Is The Matter With Me?

I usually walk around my house in a pair of white socks.

In the summer I walk around bare-footed, and that includes when I am outside - sometimes I slip on a pair of rubber flip-flops.

I go to the grocery store.

I go to the dollar store.

Occasionally, I go shopping at discount stores like Marshalls, Big Lots, Ross, Target or Wal-Mart.

I go to PTA meetings and sometimes volunteer at my childrens' schools.

I go to an occasional movie or out to dinner with my family.

I go to church.

I go to the lake.

I go on the occasional vacation.

WHERE DO I POSSIBLY THINK ....... I WILL EVER WEAR ALL OF THESE SHOES?

I don't actually know how many shoes I have, but .... these aren't even all of them. There are probably another 40 pairs you can't even see in these picutres.

Now ... if you were to ask me - "Do you like to buy shoes - are you a SHOE NUT?" I would say, "No, not really." And it would be true. I don't gravitate to shoes or search out shoes. I buy shoes - OBVIOUSLY - but shoes are not my fetish (believe it or not).

I do not have any clue how I have accumulated all of these shoes - someone that is not necessarily a SHOE NUT!

IMAGINE IF I REALLY WAS A SHOE NUT!!

On the upside ... You know those people that hoard cats - you know - have 50 or 100 cats all living in their house? I guess I'm like that. Luckily there are no "Shoe Police" going to come to my house and box up and take all these shoes from me - you never know - I might need these shoes. I DO need these shoes - else, why would I have all these shoes? (*shrinks back into her dark closet like a creepy shoe hoarder*).

Texas Boys - Definitely Need To Know How To Use A Rope

The phone rings.

I answer it.

The woman - what sounds like a soft, computer generated voice - says, "Do you have a - deer in your pool?"

My mind says, Well that's odd, but my mouth answers, "Why yes we do," in response to this survey question, because ... WE DID HAVE A DEER IN OUR POOL!

I say, "Who is this?" and my friend - we'll call her Fifi - says, "It's me - Fifi." I laugh out loud.

I explain that I found it strange - that a survey company would be calling my house - asking this odd question - but, I could have sworn when I heard her voice that it sounded so smooth - so strangely computer-like. I told her I half expected her to continue by asking, "What do you plan on doing about that?" or some other question, in a very survey-like manner.

We could not stop laughing.

Yes ... there was a deer in our pool!

Poor thing ... wandered into our yard and I guess - fell into the pool and drowned. It did have two of it's legs pretty scratched or chewed up - some coyote could have gotten to it and in trying to escape, it fell into the pool and died. We really don't know.

When my children brought the dead deer to my attention and all 5 of us were standing around the pool looking at the poor thing, my son asked, "How are you going to get it out?"

I, of course, said, "I. Am. Not. The. One. Getting. The. Deer. Out. Of. The. Pool," to my curious son. I went on to explain, "Daddy will handle it when he gets home."

My son looked surprised and looked at me and said, "Daddy?" like that would be impossible. Like he was imagining that we would call someone - the people that did this sort of thing - the people that would come to our house to get the deer out of the pool.

I laughed and said, "Yes, Daddy. It is definitely a "boy's" job."

"How will he do it?"

Walking away, back towards the house, I said, "I don't know. I guess he'll just get a rope and lasso it - pull it out. He's a Texas boy - he'll know what to do."

My son, still standing beside the pool, staring at the poor dead deer said, "I can't wait to see this."

On the upside ... He did. He lassoed it. Put it in a wheelbarrow, wheeled it across the road, took it into the woods - and dumped it. I guess that's how they handle this sort of thing - Texas boys. My son was right by his daddy's side - learning the ropes..

What The ...??

Over the course of the past several months, since I've been blogging - there is something I have come to realize.

It is not something I want to admit.

It makes me downright - CROTCHITY - when I think about it too much.

What it is ....

Is that ....

I can't hardly say the words ....

Okay, okay, okay ... I'm one of the oldest moms on the blogging block (*hangs head and sobs pathetically into her lacy hankie*).

I am!!

Now ... I'm not saying how old I am and that's just because I don't want anyone to think they can start pushing me around because I'm "elderly" - ya know. But ... for those of you who haven't figured my out my age by now - take my word for it - I am mostly hanging out with a bunch of "baby-mommy-bloggers" - and I mean that in the most envious way!

So ... on occasion, I will go to someone's site and they will have one of those celebrity look-alike thingys. You know - where you can find out what celebrity you look like. Every single comparison I have ever seen of one of my young-mama-blogging friends, has these women compared to the most beautiful and youthful celebrities - it's a no-brainer, really!

So ... just out of curiousity, the other day ... I decided to give it a try - do one myself ...

See who I looked like - Me - the old-mommy-blogger ...

And ...

I was - to say the least - A BIT DISAPPOINTED!!


Honestly - there were two "older" celebrities I could have chosen to put on this wheel (you choose 8 of 10), but opted not too - because they were old and ugly! I chose these "beauties" above - well, because ... those were my choices (*hangs head and sobs like an old woman into her lacy hankie*).

Now ... some of these celebs aren't all that bad looking (except for that Celia Cruz picture - what the ...?), it's just that I apparently look like just ANYBODY! I might look a bit like any one of these people - but none of these people look like each other at all - like on the other celebrity look-alike tests I've seen on other sites. Usually, if you are blonde - then all your celebs are usually blonde too, about the same age and be-autiful. But ... mine? No. Mine are like - CONFUSING? Like the machine couldn't quite figure me out - couldn't quite get a GOOD match on me (*hangs head and sobs like an UGLY old woman into her lacy hankie*).

So ... I decided to try it again - using a different photo of myself ...

Thought for sure it would turn out differently - make me feel better ...

But .......

I AM NOT KIDDING!

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?

It just got CREEPY AND WAAAAY worse!

Okay, so is there an upside here?

Let's see ...

On the upside ... First, in order to analyze this mess ... I have to eliminate those characters I don't even know, like - Celia Cruz, Mylene Farmer, Helena Carter, Darius Milhaud, Pierre Bouvier, John Dewey, Nikki Cox and Franz Lehar - GOOD LORD!

Of those celebs I am left with - let's just just be HONEST - I am no Jennifer Aniston, Lucy Lawless, Kim Cattrall or Oprah Winfrey - HELLO!

And ... I can't sing or dance worth a crap, so that pretty much eliminates the lovely Wynonna Judd and Liza Minnelli.

So ... now I am down to - James Stewart and Monica Lewinsky (Am I a stuck in an episode of The Twilight Zone here?).

Okay - just because I am a WOMAN I am going to eliminate James Stewart.

So ... that leaves me with - YOU GOT IT ...

THE BIGGEST CELEBRITY SLUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATE'S GOVERNMENT!

That's who I look like - Monica Lewinsky - minus the cigar (tee hee).

(*holds head up high - wipes tears from her obviously masculine face - tells herself the machine must have malfunctioned or that there was some sort of young-mommy-bloggers conspiracy going on - puts her hankie in her bra - decides to concentrate on the fact that Jennifer Aniston was in the mix - makes note to self that lots of men look like women - swears to not submit a third picture - knows her odds are not good at this point - wonders if Bill Clinton would notice the resemblance - wipes that thought out of her mind - thought is still there - tries harder to wipe that thought out of her mind - takes hankie out of her bra - sobs pathetically ... like a SLUT CAUGHT WITH HER SKIRT HIKED UP ... IN THE OVAL OFFICE*)

Taking The Weekend Off

Going to the ranch (the Mouse House - see post titled, Green Acres Is the Place For Me ... Maybe Not).


Looking forward to a great weekend with the cowboy, with friends and kids and a few mice - some cows, some owls, a snake or two, a gator or two ...

(*que Green Acres song - pitch fork scene - Eva Gabor - Blogger Kellan waving good-bye from her big blue van full of kids*).

Green Acres is the place to be ...

Farm livin' is the life for me ...

Land spreadin' out so far and wide ...

Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside...

New York is where I'd rather stay ...

I gather allergic smelling hay ...

I just adore a Penthouse view ...

Darling I love you ...

But, give me Park Avenue ...

The chores ...

The stores ...

Fresh air ...

Town square ...

You are my wife ...

Good-Bye city life ...

Green Acres we are there ...



Were you singing - I bet you were singing right along - those of you that know that song. Those of you that don't - never mind ...

See you on Monday - have a great weekend!!!

NOPE - She Never Shuts-Up

She takes a deep breath.

She puts her tongue to the back of her teeth.

She opens her mouth.

She says ... "It's warm. It's warm back here, now. Did you turn on the heat? I love those pretzel things. I'm so hungry. And thirsty. I can't find my other shoe. Are we going to Dollar General? If I'm real good, can I get something? If I'm real good, starting right now, not starting when we left the house, but starting right now, then can I get something? La la la ..la la la la...la la la lu lulu la. I'm hungry. La,la la la la. We're not going to Dollar General. This is the way home. I thought we were going? Why did you say we were going? I wanted to get me something. Have you seen my other shoe?"

Me ... in the front seat ... just listening, not saying a word. She never stopped long enough for me to say a word.

I was impressed.

She covered a variety of topics.

She might as well have been all alone, as she didn't need a soul there to carry on this discussion.

On the upside ... I think she's in training. Boys don't do this jibber-jabber that girls do - at least my son has never done it. She's in training for the real world - when she grows up. I couldn't be more proud ... she's coming along splendidly.

A Little Forrest Gump

The other day, I was sitting on my bed.

My laptop was in front of me, my TV was on ... I had a bag of GHIRARDELLI chocolates in my lap.

I opened the bag slowly and reached my hand inside.

I pulled out a chocolate square and was thinking, I can't wait to eat this chocolate. This chocolate is going to be simply delicious - I can't wait to eat this chocolate. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum ......

When, suddenly ---- at that very same moment that I was about to tear the shiney wrapper from my chocolate square, on the TV ----- came a GHIRARDELLI commercial!

What are the odds of that?

It was wild and crazy and I can now mark it down as one of those weird little moments in my life.

I know ... not really so phenomenal, but it was a moment.

I haven't honestly had too many of those sorts of weird moments in my life - not that stand out - you know.

Once ... my sister and I were shopping together. We walked up to the cash register to check out and she began to talk to the cashier about how I had this whole basket full of stuff, but that somehow, my bill would end up being far less than hers - because I am such a frugal shopper, yada, yada, yada. When the cashier rang up my sister's bill, she stood in front of me with her bagged goods and waited for my stuff to be rung up. When the cashier hit the total button on her register - OUR BILLS WERE EXACTLY THE SAME TOTAL!!!

Another - weird moment - but not earth-shattering or life changing by any stretch of the imagination.

When I was pregnant with my twins - on the morning that I was to go to the doctor (at 4 months) for a sonogram, my husband and I went first to meet with our accountant in her office. I made the statement to our accountant, "If I am right - that I am going to have twins - then we will have two additional deductions on our taxes next year." When we left the accountant's office, I called my mother and asked her to meet us at the doctor's office. I had a feeling that she would want to be there - when the technician was going to announce that she was going to be the grandmother of twins. My mother came. When I was lying on the table in that dark room, my mother stood by my side and rambled on and on to the technician that everyone was always teasing me that I was so big and wouldn't it be really crazy if Kellan were going to have twins and ... just about that time, the technician moved her scanner over my belly, looked my mother in the face and said, "Well ... there are two babies." My mother cried.

Now ... that was a CRAZY moment and ... a LIFE CHANGING moment!

One of the most fabulous and thrilling LIFE CHANGING moments of my life!

Life is definitely like a bag of GHIRARDELLI chocolates ..... each little bit is a moment wrapped in a splendid shiney wrapper and the treat inside has the possibility of being .... SIMPLY DELICIOUS!

Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet children - to my darling husband - to my wonderful family and friends. I love you all very much!

And ... Happy Valentine's Day to all my blogging friends. Our journey together has been just like a piece of chocolate - simply delightful!!

Sing Me A Song Or Get Out Of My Kitchen

I am walking through the kitchen towards the trash can.

I notice - sitting perfectly still - on the edge of the counter - near the pantry - a BUG!

I yell across the kitchen, "Little Billy - come get this bug."

He walks across the tile floor to where I am standing. He looks around and says, "Where - what bug?"

I point to the counter, "There - see it? Get it!"

He keeps his hands at his side, bends at the waist, cocks his head sideways, puts his face really close to the tiny creature and says, "What makes you think I want to get it?"

I step back a few steps - fearing the bug is going to lunge or flitter off the counter in my direction and say, "Because that's what boys do - they get the bugs."

He looks up at me strangely, wrinkles his nose and says, "That's what boys do?"

I say, "Yes. Now, get the bug! And be careful - it's a stink bug. Don't let it stink on you." I step forward close enough to push him towards the bug.

He jumps back and says, "It sings? What do you mean ... it sings?"

I walk over near the sink, retrieve a paper towel, walk back and hand it to him and say, "I said STINK - STINK. Now - GET THE BUG!"

On the upside ...This bug - this stink bug - just sitting on the edge of my kitchen counter - watching and listening to our conversation and not twitching even so much as an eyelash - suddenly ... stands up on his hind legs, puts his little hands on his hips, opens up his tiny little bug mouth and begins to sing ....... "A ---- Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ... A - Weem A Way ......... In the jungle ... the mighty jungle ... the lion sleeps tonight," and Little Billy and I both look in the bug's direction in total astonishment. We glance back quickly into each others shocked faces while the bug continues, with his little arms now stretched high in the air above his stinky little head, in a very high pitched bug-like voice, "In the jungle ... the quiet jungle ... the lion sleeps tonight," and he is really belting out the song now, and has thrown in a few fancy Broadway-stage dance moves to enhance his very entertaining night-club performance. Then ... the bug stops singing ... points his tiny little finger at Little Billy, throws back his head ... and laughs - HA HA HA!

Okay - So what really happened was ... I grabbed the paper towel from my brave little man's hand, squashed the "singing" bug inside of it and threw it into the trash.

(I really wish it had happened the other way ... that would have been a story Little Billy would have never forgotten).

SORRY!

Oh ... there are a lot of DREADED words that a mother hates to hear.

I'm not talking about horrific things - don't want to think about horrific things. I'm talking about those moments when a little one comes to you and says something that sends a bit of a chill up your spine.

Things like ...

"Mommy. There's something wrong with the toilet."

You know - DREADED words.

I've heard my share of DREADED words over the years and have compiled a mental list of the ones that rub me the most chilly.

I have tried to teach my children - over the years - those words that I am not fond of - those that make me a bit CRAZY. They still use all these words, but have gotten smart enough to know that they should say them really fast - like they are throwing them at me like a dart - and then run as fast as they can ... out of the room.

Say it - RUN!

Mostly ... my children have learnt this lesson well.

Alexis, however ..... is still young.

She has not caught on as quickly as I would like.

She is either a bit slow or ... trying to change the rules around my house.

I know this because ...

She came into my room the other night.

She stood by my bed.

She twisted her face.

She puckered her lower lip.

She batted long dark eyelashes over glossy puppy-dog eyes.

She said .............. "Will you play a game with me?"

And ... she DID NOT RUN!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay ........ first of all -

1. All 7 of these words are at the very top of my DREADED words list!

2. I did not get the "game" gene and I am not a game player.

3. All my children KNOW THIS!

I have played Barbies, I have played blocks, I have played puzzles, I have played Polly-Pockets, I have played doll house, I have played Little Pony's, I have played drawing and painting and coloring and stickering and sponging and gluing and glittering. I have played in the yard and in the pool and in the woods and in the sand and in their rooms and in the garage and on the driveway and ... I have played Play Dough. I have played frisbee, I have played jump-rope and bikes and skates and skooters. I have played in tents and forts and sand-boxes. I have played A LOT of stuff!

I do not play games!

SORRY!

On the upside ... I don't know exactly what happened ... she must have come to her senses or something, because she just turned and walked out of my room before I even had to tell her, "SORRY - I don't play games - go ask your Daddy." Maybe it was the you-know-very-well-that-I-don't-play-games-look I had on my face. I imagine that is what it was.

If You Live In Texas ...

If you live in Texas, you might want to go to the Rodeo.

If you are a Texas girl ... you might want to blow dry your hair - curl it - poof it up real big - and spray it with tons of hairspray.

Also ... as a Texas girl ... if you want to fit in at the Rodeo - you might want to wear the biggest, gaudiest earrings and make very sure you wear those gaudy earrings with a shirt that has rhinestones, gems or sequins all over the front. You could wear a cowboy hat, but this would mess up your big hair, so opt for very large sunglasses with rhinestones instead.

When you get to the grounds of the Rodeo, make sure you search out and buy ... cotton candy, a funnel cake, some fudge, some beef jerky, a turkey leg and don't forget a piece of delicious ... roasted corn.

While at the Rodeo - walking the grounds or touring the horse or pig barn, make sure you look around. And don't be looking at the ground for piles of doo-doo -- No ... keep your eyes on the horizon because ... this is where all the good looking men gather - cowboys in every direction - as far as the eye can see!!

If you plan it right, you might buy yourself a ticket for a seat inside the arena ... way down in the front ... right near the COWBOYS ......

That way ... if you tire of watching the bull riding or calf roping (which you will) ... you have something pleasant to look at. This is also as close as you will ever really come ... to a ... REAL. LIVE. COWBOY.

That is ... unless you are me.

And you get to bring one home with you ...

One that often talks sweetly to you, in a slight Texas drawl.

One that looks nice in Wranglers, a crisp western shirt and a Stetson hat.

One that holds you tight on a country dancehall floor as you sway and dance beautifully to a two-step or a waltz.

One that might whisper softly into your ear, "When I was young ... I only ever danced with the girls ... so I could get laid afterwards."

Yes ... you might get lucky ... like me.

The Boy I Know

The little boy that I know is confident, happy and very sure of himself.

But ... on this one night, right before he went to bed, I went to him and told him that his father and I would be going to his school the following morning, early, to see the school's flag ceremony. These ceremonies are held at his school, once every couple of months, and it is in these ceremonies where children from each class in the school, are chosen, for awards. These awards are called The Pillar Of Character Awards (Trustworthiness, Citizenship, Caring, Fairness, Responsibility & Respect). When I told my son that we would be attending the ceremony - he began to cry.

"I don't know why you're going," he sobbed.

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, I said, "Daddy and I want to go - we haven't been to a flag ceremony in a while."

He continued to cry. "I'm not going to win. I never win," tears were streaming down his face. "I haven't won in five years. There's always someone better than me," he was very sad.

I tried to console him, but he was inconsolible. "Maybe this time you will win. And even if you don't win, we still want to be there - to recognize everyone else that will - right?"

I had never heard him voice concern, let alone sadness, over not having ever won one of these awards before. I was sad for my sweet son.

But I left him, eventually, and he settled down and went to sleep. I was hurting for him, but at the same time I was very happy. For ... I knew ... he would receive an award the next day.

His teacher had phoned me and asked that we make sure that we attended the ceremony - as, Little Billy had been chosen from his class, to receive an award.

So, we went and we saw and we were proud. He was proud. He could not have been more proud. It was a fine moment for our sweet boy.

Walking out of the ceremony with my son, a little boy walks up behind us. He is a Downs Syndrome child and he seems to know my Little Billy.

The boy moves close to my son and tries to capture his attention - I step back and watch.

Little Billy is talking to one of his other buddies, but hears the voice of the other boy and turns to look at him. As soon as he sees this child ... he lifts his arm - without one moment of hesitation - and he puts his arm around the boy's shoulders and pulls him close.

They walk out in front of me ... my sweet Billy, with his shiney medal around his neck, and his little buddy, Jack.

He looked back in my direction - still walking with his arm around Jack's neck - and I smiled.

When Little Billy got home that afternoon from school, I asked him, "Do you know what made me most proud today?"

He smiled a great big smile, grabbed ahold of the medal around his neck and said, "My medal?"

I grabbed him into my arms and pulled him too me and squeezed him tight and said, "No. I'm proud you got that medal because I know how much you deserve it. But ... I was most proud for the kindness you showed to Jack."

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes and I could see that he was confused.

I said, "When you hugged him - in the hallway," explaining what I had seen.

My confident, happy and sure of himself boy turned and started to walk away. Before he left, he turned back and looked at me and said, "Well, he's my friend," with the sort of nonchalance you would expect from a boy that had just received an award for "Fairness".

It took 5 years for my son to get that medal, but ... on this day ... I do not believe they could have chosen a better boy!

Yada, Yada, Yada ...

Alexis and my niece are playing in Alexis' bedroom.

I am in my room, helping Chloe with a project we have sprawled out on the floor.

Alexis and my niece have decided that Alexis will spend the night over at my niece's house and so Alexis is gathering her things to take for the sleep-over.

They are goofing off.

It is getting later and later by the minute.

They are getting out toys and playing and I can hear the ruckus from my room.

I scream, really loud and speak really fast, "Alexis. You need to get your stuff. You need to get your stuff together. You need to get your pajamas and your toothbrush and your underwear and whatever toys you want to take with you. And ... you are not going anywhere until you clean up that mess you two have made in that room," I say this all very fast - I say it and I mean it.

Chloe looks over at me from across my room with a look that says, "Could you be anymore obnoxious?" and it makes me smile.

I hear some scrambling going on down the hallway in Alexis' room and then I hear her say, very casually, and a little uppity, "Well ... you don't have to yell," and she mocks me, "Yada, yada, yada - yada, yada, yada ..."

The moment we heard her, Chloe's eyes met mine and we both fell back on the floor laughing.

On the upside ... Sometimes - I just need to ... simmer down!

Junk Yard Mama

Late one evening I was lying in my bed, covered up to my neck with my cozy comforter - just watching TV.

I had not been feeling well for several days.

Alexis was so nice to bring home the stomach bug from her first grade classroom - to share with the entire family.

Little Billy, also having been sick for a few days, wandered into my room and crawled into my bed with me.

We cuddled.

He persuaded his ol' Mom to rub his back - something he loves.

After becoming completely relaxed, the boy says to his mom, "Ya know ... how when you have a new car ... and it has a brand new engine?"

The mom says, "Yes," imagining in her mind the shiny new engine - sparkly chrome and pistons and clean new fluids.

The relaxed little boy then says, "And then, ya know ... how you might have a really old car - with a worn out engine?'

Rubbing the boy's back, the mom says, "Yes," now imagining a rusty old engine in a broken down car - in a junk yard.

"That's what we're like," the boy looks up at his mom and smiles. "I'm like a shiny new engine and you're like a rusty old engine."

(*blink blink*)

The mom stops rubbing the boy's back, gets a sad look on her face and says, "Okay."

The boy - seeing the sadness on his poor old mother's face, rubs his smooth little hand down her crusty arm and says, "I mean ... it's just like you're kinda outta gas - not really old and rusty," he begins to back-pedal really fast and continues, "And ... I'm like a newer engine - just a little bit outta gas."

The mom smiles.

The boy smiles.

"Can you rub my back some more," the boy pleads.

The rickety old mother - who is completely out of gas, by the way - pulls her rusty old arm out from beneath her cozy comforter and ... begins to rub the boy's back once again .... all the while imagining ... as she rubs his soft, smooth skin - a nice shiny paint job - Candy Apple Red. Yes ... the boy would definitely be Candy Apple Red.

On the upside ... That boy is definitely his father's son. Such a smooth talker! Not saying anything all that lov-e-ly, but ... boy can he back pedal when he begins to dig himself in deep!

Sometimes, I Just Don't Stack Up

I try to be a good mom.

I'm not the best mom and I'm not the worst mom. I'm somewhere in between. In between those moms that take their children lunches to school and eat with them at least once a week and those other moms that send their little ones to school with $1.25 in their pocket to purchase the tray of "yummy" school lunch food (while I've done this too).

Courtney and Chloe make their own lunches for school.

Courtney was quick to point out to me recently that this was not what "good mothers" do for their kids.

She went on and on about how the mother of a friend of hers would not only make her daughter special sandwiches with actual lettuce with the lunch meat - but often include sweet little notes in her specially decorated bags. Sometimes, this same mother will make an extra sandwich for anyone that forgets to bring their lunch (*loser mom throws head back and laughs hysterically - bahahahahahaha*).

She also told me of another mother that prepares these little snack bags (chips, juice box, cookies) and keeps them in her car to hand out to the beggars on the corners that hold up signs that they are homeless.

Okay ... I'm not doing any of these things. No special bags of treats (while a great idea) for the homeless and no lettuce, notes or decorated lunch bags for my teenage daughter's lunches.

I either have too much on my plate, those other mothers have too much time on their hands or something ... somewhere in between.

On the upside ... One day I am going to surprise those girls and make their lunches again - I might just even put actual lettuce on top of that bo-logna! And ... a little note inside their bag that says, "Hey Girly - it's me - Mom. If you don't like this sandwich - maybe you can get that EXTRA ONE from your friend's bag - eat it - and then save this sub-standard sandwich to put in a little gift bag to give to the homeless man on the corner down the street. Bye Sweetie - See you when you get home. Love, Mom."

When Did I Get So Old?

I was in the bathroom.

I was sitting at my vanity in my underwear, putting in my contacts, curling my hair and putting on my make-up.

I was there for a bit, not totally enjoying the view of my semi-naked figure in the mirror, but just had to divert my eyes so I could get the business done - I had to be at Alexis' school in 30 minutes.

I finished my primping, put away my curling iron, hairspray and make-up and stood up.

This is when the real horror hit me.

It wasn't the view in the mirror in front of me - while that is always quite shocking - especially early in the morning - it was ... when I looked down at my legs.

I have had these legs for a lot of years.

I have relied on these legs. I have depended on these legs. I have shown much respect for these legs ... for many, many years.

It's like - I am the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company (*my life*) and when I have a job that needs to be done and I search out the most valuable person on the team, the most dependable, the most experienced - the best - and then I choose you (*my legs*) to do that job ... it's like that! They are my go-to-guys - I always choose them first. I've been very partial and ... very partial.

So ... WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LEGS?

They still do the job - they walk me where I need to go - that's good.
They still fill the pants okay - I have lots of pants and they are doing a great job there.
They don't complain that they don't get shaved as often as they did in my youth - that's a plus.
They still hang onto my feet and stay attached to my aging hips - that's a relief.

But ...


THE SKIN IS DROOPING - ON MY LEGS!


Not on my chest, so much. Not on my arms, so much. Not anywhere, so much ... but on the upper parts of my legs - just above my knees - DROOPY SKIN - like the hyde is sliding ... or something.

I could not stand there in my bathroom, bent at the waist, staring at this pitiful sight any longer - I had to get to my daughter's school. All I could do was shake my head in disappointment.


On the upside ... Someone obviously came into my Fortune 500 Company and strutted off with my once beautiful, youthful looking legs and left me with DROOPY replacements. I'm not happy that Personnel failed to notify me of this change - but, as long as these old-lady legs continue to get my DROOPY BUTT to all the places I need to go - I guess I'll have to appreciate them - but ..... I. Am. Not. Happy. About. It!

He's Got My Number

It's almost 10:30 p.m. and I walk by his room. I hear the TV and step inside. I look over at his bed and he shuts his eyes quickly - pretends he is asleep. I switch off the TV, walk over and give my sneaky boy a kiss on the forehead and leave his room.

The next evening, it is almost 10:30 p.m. and I walk by his room. I hear the TV and step inside the door. I stand in the doorway, put my hands on my hips and say, "I'm going to take this TV out of your room if I catch you watching it one more time."

He says, "Night Mom," and wraps his skinny arms around my neck and hugs me hard.

The next evening, it is almost 10:30 p.m. and I walk by his room. I hear the TV and step inside. I reach over and turn it off.

He grins and says, "Mom, come here. I want to give you a hug - a wonderful hug," and my heart instantly melts. Then he says, "Yeah, yeah ... a wonderful hug," before I can even utter a word.

I glide over to his bed on the cloud of his soothing words, bend over and push my hands up under his skinny little body and pull him to me.

He whispers in my ear, "I love you Mom," and he hugs me ... wonderfully.

"See you tomorrow," He says sweetly, and I slink out of his room.

See you tomorrow.

On the upside ... Okay - So, sometimes I'm a bit of a push-over for sweet words and wonderful hugs!

Okay - I Am Overwhelmed!

I was so pleased to receive this very nice award from Jo-N over at Shower Your Children With Love - The Right Way. Jo-N is one of my newer friends and if you haven't visited her wonderful site, you need to go over there and check her out. Thanks so much Jo-N.

I'd like to pass this award on to Karen at The Rocking Pony. Thanks Karen for being such a good friend.

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I am also so tremendously pleased to recieve this wonderful "You Make Me Smile" award from one of my favorite bloggy friends, Courtney over at Life With Two Beautiful Girls. I have known Courtney for a while and if you have never visited her site, you need to go over and see her beautiful girls (and handsome husband) - she has a great site and is a great friend. Thanks Courtney.

I'd like to pass this award on to Shan over at Tales Of The Fairy Blog Mother. Shan lives in Canada and has 2 beautiful girls - she has a great site!



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And then my good friend Bren (also a Texan - Woo Hoo) over at 3 Little Monkey's Jumping On The Bed passed this other great "You Make Me Smile" award on to me - and it makes me smile because Bren makes me smile all the time! She has a beautiful site (done by SPLAT - just like mine) and three darling kiddos (her baby girl just turned one). She always has a good story and you really should go check her out. Thank you so much Bren.





I' like to pass this great award on to Em over at Billy The Toddler. Em lives in the UK and she has the most adorable little boy named Billy (like my Little Billy). He is the cutest thing - you should really go over and see how beautiful this boy is!!



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And then ... my good friend Kami at Kami Khlopchyk (don't ask me how you say that - in my head I just call her Kami K. or KK) - and I should learn how to pronounce it, as I have known her a long time. She is a great friend with a great site and I'd love you to go over and meet her! She gave me this "E is for Excellence". Thanks Kami.

Shortly after I received this great award from Kami, I also received it from Kimmy over at Tales Of A Blender Kimmy. Kimmy is one of my new bloggy friends and I just love her stories about her wonderful family and the adventures in their lives. If you haven't visited Kimmy's site, you really need to go over there and check her out - she is a lot of fun.

And then ... I also received this same award from Girlymom over at The Red Door. She has been my bloggy friend from way back and if you have never visited her site you need to go over there and visit her and her 4 beautiful daughters - she is a wonderful mom!

And then ... I was so pleased to receive this "Excellent" award again from Lizzy over at Life According To Lizzy. Lizzy has a great site where she writes wonderful stories about her life with her two sons and wonderful husband. If you have never visited my friend Lizzy, please go by and check her out.

And then ... Kathryn over at Seeking Sanity was also so nice to pass this award on to me. Kathryn is a great writer and tells wonderful stories about her life with her three precious boys. If you have never visited Kathryn's site - you need to go over and say hello.

I am supposed to pass this award on to 10 people. Since I received this award 5 times - that means I should pass it on to 50 people. I'm going to break this rule and pass it on to 5 people.

Angie at Keep Believing
Bia at La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life With 3 Sons
Valarie at Please Don't Put Beans Up Your Nose!

Dawn at Renaissance Mama
Steph at Snow Central

All of these ladies have wonderful sites and I think they are simply Excellent - enjoy this great award ladies - I enjoy you so much!


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Also ... I was so pleased to receive this great "Everday Kindness" award from MO over at Un-Mainstream Mom. Now ... I think MO is way smarter than me - because she writes some really great posts and sometimes I think I don't know everything she is talkin' bout! No, not really - she writes smart and witty and she is a great friend with 2 beautiful daughters- you need to go check her out!!!

I'd like to pass this award on to Andrea at Life Song. Andrea has a great site where she tells daily stories about her beautiful daughters and she is a good friend.



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And then Vasquez3 passed this great award on to all of those blogs on her blogroll and On The Upside is one of the sites that she visits daily - I really appreciate that and I really appreciate this award and am so pleased to be one of her daily reads - Thanks and you should go see her and her adorable daughter and husband - she has a really great site.

I'd like to pass this award on to Mighty Morphin Mama. She also has a wonderful site and tells wonderful stories about her sweet family - you need to go over and say hello if you've never visited her site before.



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And then ... my friend Regina - over at Regina's Family Seasons passed this great "Spread The Love Award" on to me and she passed "The Daily Dose" on to all those friends on her blogroll. Now ... if you want to meet one smart lady with very well written and thought provoking posts - she is your lady. I have so enjoyed getting to know Regina - you really need to go visit her. Thanks Regina!

I'd like to pass on this "Spreader Of Love" award on to Baby~Amore at My Little Drummer Boys. She has the cutest little twin boys - you should go over and just see how cute. And she has a great site.

I'd like to pass this second "Daily Dose" award on to Julie at Multiple Blessings. Julie has a houseful of kids - like me - and she tells wonderful stories about her kids and family. She is also a scrapbooker. She's been a really good friend.

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And then I received this really nice "Spreader of Love" award from my good friend OHMommy over at Classy Chaos. She has a great site with wonderfully written stories about her and her 3 precious children. I am most appreciative OHMommy - thanks so much.




I'd like to pass this great award on to Joan over at Joan's Journey. It is always a delight to visit Joan and hear her fabulous stories about her family or her travels - she is a joy and become a dear friend.


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And then I received this "Classy Blog" award (award designed by OHMommy over at Classy Chaos - isn't it cool!) from Lunanik over at Secrets of A Black Heart. Lunanik and I have become great friends - if you have never visited her great blog, you need to go over and check her out. She is smart and funny and quite the writer. You will love her as much as I do.



This last award I'd like to pass on to my friends Kari and Kijsa over at Ask Kari and Kijsa. These two sisters have the most fabulous home decorating site. They are creative and smart and witty. They tell the most fabulous stories about their creations, their ideas, their travels and they beautiful families (6 children between these young mothers). They are two of the classiest women I know and truly deserve this Classy Blog award.


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THANK YOU to everyone that passed on an award to me - I truly appreciate each and everyone of these great awards! I hope I will have the chance to pass on future awards to anyone that I did not remember this time. I think each and everyone of the great sites that I have gotten to know deserves an award and I am trying to keep up with who I have given an award and who I have not - so I will remember in the future.

My Sweet Little Star

It is busy around our house at bedtime.

There is much screaming from the Mommy of the house.

"Get up here!"

"Didn't I ask you to get in the shower?"

"I ran your bath - go get in it ... for heaven's sake!"

Last night - Alexis meandered into my bathroom, where I had run her a bath in my whirlpool tub - that is now officially "her" bathtub, by the way, as she is the only one that ever uses the thing. I hear her splashing around.

Suddenly, I hear a strange noise and I stop what I am doing to listen.

I conclude quickly that the sound I hear is her messing with the blinds on the window above the tub.

I walk into the bathroom.

I see her. She is standing on the edge of the tub, her shiny body glistening in the florescent lighting - her naked 6 year old booty flashing me as I walk through the door.

"Whatcha doing?" I ask, and it startles her.

She continues to peek through the blinds, one hand balancing her slippery body, the other forcing the blinds apart with her fingers. She says, "I want to look outside to see if the stars are out tonight," she is very determined.

"You are going to fall," I walk towards her and guide her back down into the tub, pinching her chubby tooshy as I do and she giggles. "Why do you need to see the stars," I ask, as I dry off my hands.

She smiles and says, "I wish I could see a wishing star," and she then scoops up a handful of bubbles from the water and slathers them on her pink tummy.

"What would you wish for," I ask, watching my tiny girl, "If you did see a wishing star - what would you wish for?"

"To be Hannah Montana," she says, as if it would actually be so - to wish it once on a star and then - poof - she would be transformed.

I smile and say, "I don't want you to be Hannah Montana. What would I do then? Where would my little Alexis go?" she is giggling now. "And ... I think you wouldn't really want to be her. You are so much prettier than she is. And so much smarter."

She rolls over and stretches her whole body beneath the warm water and bubbles, puts her chin in her hands, rolls her eyes and says, "I'd say No. She's in high school."

"Okay ... so maybe she's a little smarter - but you are lots prettier," I am now leaning over the tub and washing her arms with the rag.

She looks up at me with those big brown eyes, takes the rag from my hands and says, most confidently, "I'd say Yes. Yes I am."


On the upside ... If those wishes on stars really did come true and if Alexis had seen one - shooting through the sky last night - I'd have walked into my bathroom and Hannah Montana might very well have been soaking in my bathtub. I'm glad she wasn't. I'm glad wishes don't come true that easily. What would I do without my sweet little Alexis? What would I do?

Next Time ... Jot It Down On Your Hand

Little Billy came in from school and dropped his backpack by the front door. On his way to the kitchen I asked, "How was school today, Little Billy?"

He opened the door to the refrigerator, stood in front of it and said, "Horrible."

I said, "Why?"

Then he said, "No - not really. It was great! It was exhilarating," and then he peeked his head into the refrigerator.

I looked over and could only see his back, as his body was behind the door and I said, "It was?" and laughed. "Do you know what exhilarating means?"

He peeked out from behind the refrigerator door, looked over at me, cracked a little smile and said, "Not really."

He grabbed the jug of milk and closed the refrigerator door and then said, "I used a big word on the bus today," he plunked the milk jug up on the counter. "So-and-so always feels the need to protect me - you know - because I'm small and all - he was saying something about how my parents wouldn't let me go to see SAW IV (which they WILL NOT, by the way!) because I'm too little and I said to him, 'Just because I'm little, doesn't mean I'm _______ (fill in blank with big word he supposedly used - but now can not remember - he thinks it might start with a P and means - 'not as small and useless as you think I am').

I laughed and said, "What was the word - pathetic?"

"No," he said.

"Was it puny?"

"No," he said.

He never remembered the big word that he used, but was proud nonetheless.

Walking out of the kitchen I turned back and said, "When you remember the word - let me know."

"Why?" he took a big swig of milk and looked across the room in my direction.

"So I'll know the word and maybe so I can use it sometime," I started walking up the stairs, "I can use it sometime, right?"

He smiled and said, "Sure," like this was very cool that I would want to use one of his words.

On the upside ... It helps if you HAVE a word - to actually USE a word. But ... in our family - we give credit for just having ever used a word at all! No need to recall it ever again. I'm very proud of him. I'm certain it was an impressive word.

Dinner And A Movie

My niece spends a lot of time at our house.

On this one night, she was sleeping over with Alexis (because they don't see enough of each other already).

The two of them were running up and down the hallway making way too much racket and I finally thought to suggest that they put in a movie and go SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE AND WATCH THE THING!!

So ... they agreed.

Before they actually settled down to watch the movie, Alexis emerges into the hallway again, opens the door to my room and says, "Can we go get a quick snack before we start it?"

I shake my head and say, "I guess so."

As they skipped off towards the kitchen, I saw Alexis turn to her cousin, smile sweetly and say, "That way ... we won't starve." (*skip, skip, skip, skip, skip ...*)

So they won't starve - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

On the upside ... Aren't they the cutest things? Alexis could probably live 25 days on the reserves she has stored in her chubby tummy alone, and if my niece could get to those reserves - they could both live at least 12 1/2 days each. But ... if getting a quick snack would encourage them to SETTLE DOWN AND WATCH A MOVIE, then - go for it - get a snack - I wouldn't want anyone to starve, for goodness sake. (*Do ya want me to make ya a BA-ritto?*)

My Boy - The Genius

I went to my son's school to meet with his teacher for a conference.


She is not his regular teacher - she is only his teacher for Social Studies and Science.


I don't know her very well - like I know his other teacher.


She was very nice.


We sat at the table in her room, went over issues Little Billy has been having about not remembering things - like ... when tests are coming up ... reviewing for tests ... studying for tests ... failing tests! (He is going to be the death of me!)

He seemed to understand when his teacher and I impressed that he needed to make sure - from now on - to mark in his Agenda, when a test was coming up.


He seemed to understand when his teacher and I impressed that he needed to - from now on - pay attention during the review.


He seemed to understand when his teacher and I impressed that he needed to - from now on - complete the review sheet in order to receive an extra 5 points.


He seemed to understand when his teacher and I impressed that he needed to - from now on - study for these TESTS!


He says he understands now!


We will see!


So ... we completed our conference and we were all smiling.


Somehow, we got on the subject of students in middle school and high school taking foreign languages. We were telling Little Billy that it would be good if he took Spanish - as we live in Texas and Spanish sure comes in handy.


Little Billy quickly said, "I want to take French."

His teacher and I just giggled and she said, "Well ... that would be good too."

Then Little Billy changed his mind and said, "No ... I really want to take British."


*blink blink*


I look at his teacher and she looks at me. She does not say a word and I can tell she is trying to hold back a smile. She's not sure - not sure, I guess - whether or not I know - that this is ridiculous and so she seems to wait for me to make a move - to smile or something.

I smile.

She smiles.

I look over at my genius of a son, who, by the way, is now speaking in a British accent (that he does very well) and I say, "Hon - you can't take British. British isn't a language. Do you know what language they speak in Great Britain?"

He, in his exaggerated British accent, says, "No I don't - but I want to learn it."


On the upside ... On the way to our car, I explain to my son that they speak... ENGLISH in Great Britain and that ... while his accent is adorable and pretty darn accurate as far as I can tell - to ... not ever say that again to anyone - EVER! He asked, "Why," and I told him ... in my most fabulous British accent, "Because ... it makes you look like a bloomin' idiot, Sweetie." I think he understood.

I Wonder, As A Mother, What My USDA Rating Would Be

The latest update of Super Mario Maker at Hammergamer.com, try it yourself. . Derek Hood . poker online When I had my twins - 15 years ago - I think I was a pretty good mother.

I think I was like most new mothers, in that I did everything by the book. I kept them on a schedule, I burped them after each feeding, I gave them a bath nearly every single day, I put shoes and socks on their feet, I brushed their hair and put lovely pony-tails on the sides of their heads. I was a good mom.

The more kids I began to have, the farther and farther I began to stray from the "model mother" persona that I once resembled. Actually, it probably began to fade long before I actually gave birth to my son. The beginning of the downward spiral was - oh ... probably after about the first year after my twins were born.

So ... that means - if am going to be honest - that I have been a less than "model mother" for at least 15 years - giving myself credit for being exceptional for merely one year!

Yep - that sounds about right.

I have been very aware of this failing for many, many years. It bothers me, of course, and I often try to do better - but, I am just a mediocre mom in most regards. I yell - far too much! I complain - far too much! I set very high expectations - way too much! On some things - like school - I think I am pretty successful as a mother. And, in raising some pretty fun, loving and socially adept children - I have done well. But ... there are certainly some areas that I am miserable at and have failed pathetically. I am a mediocre mom. I know all this.

Yesterday, Alexis came over to where I was sitting on the couch and stood in front of me.

In her hand she held a banana.

I watched as she began eating this banana.

Suddenly ... I saw ... as she folded down the peel, the nastiest bruise on the side of the banana.

In my mind I thought, "Is she going to keep eating that yucky, bruised banana?"

She took another bite.

In my mind I thought, as I squinted my eyes and my stomach turned a flip, "Is she going to eat that yucky part of that banana?"

She took yet another bite.

In my mind I thought, "Should I tell her? Should I tell her?" and then I watched, through squinted eyelids (because I couldn't watch out-right or I felt like I surly might throw up), as she took a big bite - eating the yucky bruised part of the banana.

She stood in front of me and ate the whole banana - yucky, squishy, bruised parts and all.

I let her.

I never said a word.

I debated about telling her, but thought, "It won't kill her. If she likes the taste and the texture doesn't bother her - let her eat it. I wouldn't eat it, but it won't kill her. It shouldn't do anything to her, other than encourage astonishment from others if she ever does it around anyone outside of our house. That's okay - my sister has been known to eat boiled shrimp - shells and all (blech!) - Alexis will fit right in - as long as she always sits next to my sister. "

Being as Alexis is the 4th child - it occurred to me - while I watched her eat this banana - that I would have had a hard time eating - that I have never told that child about rotten fruit. Either that - or she chose to ignore this lesson and has decided to distinguish between those things she will eat and won't eat, on her own. I prefer to believe the latter.

This is just an example of how my mothering skills have seriously deteriorated over the years. Somewhere along the way, I stopped teaching the lesson about rotten fruit.

I'm certain there are many other lessons that I have failed to teach Alexis that I probably taught my first born children - because she is at the tail-end of our line of children and also because she has been stuck with me as her mother (*sigh*).

I hope she survives.

On the upside ... I guess with Alexis around, not much fruit will ever go to waste in our house. And ... when my kids eat boiled shrimp, I'll try to remind them to peel the shells off first. My poor sister - she didn't realize you weren't supposed to eat the shells until I told her (you should have seen my face when I saw her crunching on those shrimp and then how we laughed - HA!) - just this past summer - she's in her 40's. I wonder why our mother never told my poor sister to take off those shells? Maybe my poor mothering skills aren't my fault at all - maybe it's just a disease that has been passed down from generation to generation in our family. That's probably what happened. We're just defective or genetically challenged in the mothering department.

Oh ... To Have The Faith Of A Child

The boy sat quietly.

His mother, driving the van, hummed along with the country song coming from the radio.

Over the sound of the music, the mother heard her son say, "Mom. Do you think that there has been someone born on everyday - everyday, in the history of the world?"

The mother thought for a moment about this question, shook her head and said, "No. Thousands of years ago, when there weren't so many people on the earth, I am sure there were days when there were no people born at all."

The boy then said, "What about these days? Is there someone born every single day?"

The mother quickly shook her head and said, "Yes. There is a baby born in the world, something like every three seconds. That means there are thousands of babies born every single day," she looked into her rear view mirror at her little boy's face.

"Wow! he said."

"And," the mother went on, "I suppose that there are the same amount of people that die every minute - everyday."

The little boy stayed quiet and then said, "I find that extraordinary."

"What?" the mother asked.

"That so many people are born at the same time that there are people dying," he went very quiet again.

The mother smiled. "I agree - it is extraordinary."

"Death is kinda scary, isn't it Mom?" the boy spoke in a sweet voice.

The mother felt a chill race across the back of her neck. "Yes, it is, a little scary. But ... you know what makes it not so scary?" she waited to see what her son might say.

"Yes," he answered quickly, "Jesus."

The mother was very proud. "Yes - it makes it so much easier to accept death if you believe that you will be going to heaven to live with God. And ... heaven is supposed to be a million times better than it is even here on earth," she smiled at her son in the mirror. "Can you imagine that?"

The boy remained still and then he said, in the most confident voice, "Yes, I can. I can see it - in my mind."

And when the mother looked back in the mirror, she saw her sweet son with his eyes closed, his head rested back against the seat and a soft smile on his face. She thought to herself ... I'll just bet you can ... see it all very clearly in your mind.

Can you Imagine?