Sunday, December 30, 2007

My Sweet Boy

Oh, where have you gone


Billy Boy, Billy Boy

Oh, where have you gone

Charming Billy



I have gone to see my wife

She's the joy of my life

She's a young thing

And cannot leave her mother




This is a song that my mother would sing to my Sweet Billy when he was little. To this day, at age 10, he still loves when I sing him this song.

I was talking to a long-distance friend recently. The subject, of course, came around to my kids (she has none). I got to talking about my son.

I went on and on about all he's been doing, how he's doing in school, what sports he's playing ... and then I found myself going into great depth about how much I love him.

I couldn't stop describing what a wonderful little boy he really is. How special he is to me and how he lights up my life. How he has the cutest ways about him and how he reminds me so much of his father.

When I spoke of him, I could see his sweetness in my mind and feel the gentleness of who he is and I tried desperately to describe all this accurately.

He tries to act tough and disconnected sometimes. Tries to let on to the world that he is fine all of the time. Tries to go along as though he is in control and has no worries. And mostly ... I think this is true.

I love this about him.

But ... I know him. I know the little boy behind all the ball caps, dirty t-shirts and skinned up knees. That little boy behind the constant motion. That little boy that never seems to have the time to stop and show the depth of his emotions.

I love that little boy that is too busy to tell the world how special he really is. The one that is so confident that he just doesn't find it necessary to list his qualities or voice his inner desires or needs. The little boy with the humble heart and kind nature. I love that he seems to know who he is and is not concerned about what the world thinks of him. I love the way he lives his life.

On Christmas Eve, I went into his room to kiss him good night and when I bent over near his face he asked me, in the sweetest and most sincere voice,"Have I been a good boy?"

I loved that he asked this question because it gave me the chance to tell him that he is a good boy and that I couldn't have ever hoped for a more precious son. It was a wonderful moment.

When I think of him now ... I see his sweet little face, soft brown eyes and dark brown hair (what a head of hair). I see his dirty little hands and his skinny legs. I see those teeth that are too big for his smile. I see the smirk he so often gets when he has done something wrong. And I see ... a little boy that brings great joy to my heart, indescribable warmth to my soul and a love so pure that ... I wouldn't know how to live without it.

52 comments:

Leah said...

I wish I could express myself as beautifully as you do...

Your children are very lucky to have such a loving, devoted mother,and it sounds like you're pretty lucky to have THEM, too!

baby~amore' said...

I wish I could write as beautifully and poetically as you too - what a magical post about your sweet boy.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - golden apples.

Pam said...

You and those words- you have such a good relationship! It is nice that you can have these moments and all these memories...it certainly offsets the "your going to get it" days! Thanks for sharing your wonderful son with us!

Dad said...

Kellan, you bring tears to my eyes

pb&j in a bowl said...

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can compare to a mother's love. Not many can express is as well as you can. Good job.

Lisa said...

*Warm fuzzies*

the dragonfly said...

Aww...your kids are truly blessed to have a mom like you. :)

One Scrappy Gal said...

What a sweet little face. Did he "get it" the other day? :)

A lovely tribute to a special son. I'm looking forward to getting to know mine more and more as he grows but I already love everything about him... even his bird imitations...

I never knew that was a real song. My husband made up a not worthy for blogdom version of the song and I used to think it was something he plucked out of thin air! I know beter now!!

Aliki2006 said...

This was so sweet! I could just "see" your boy as you described him! Just think what this post will mean to him one day...

multipleblessings said...

Wonderful post!!!... Aren't kids the greatest? *happy sigh*

Julie

Badness Jones said...

Thank heavens for little boys. Beautiful post.

Melissa said...

You should make sure your son reads this so he's aware of just how much you love him.

Another beautiful post!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

What a sweet post - you are a lucky Mom and he is a lucky son. What a wonderful relationship you have.

Btw, glad to hear I'm not the only one who leaves a bite on their plate!!

Hallie

Shan said...

I think I can safely say that will be the sweetest thing I read all day.

kim-d said...

Awww, Kellan! Be still my heart. The way you write of your boy makes me love him, too! And this I can tell you. I feel the same way about my "sweet boy." Your boy sounds SO MUCH like my boy when he was your boy's age. The good part of this is, boys who are that way stay that way, even as they age. I know that because "my boy" will celebrate his 40th birthday in 2008. And even though I didn't get to be Mom to my boy until he was 19, it is the single most profound thing I have had the privilege of doing in my life, right after the first most profound thing which was marrying his father. Having my boy choose me as his Mom is something that I thank God for every day. And all of this is just to let you know that the way that things are with you and your beautiful boy right now? They will just continue to grow and get better. :) AND...I love the comments from "dad"--how very precious! I'm so lucky to know you, Kellen.

jen said...

what a delicious, love filled post.

Dawn said...

I am amazed at how well you can express such beautiful love. Reading this made me want to go and hug my own son.

JCK said...

Kellan, this was to the heart. And beautiful. He is very lucky to have you as his mommy.

I often find myself seeing my husband in my little boy. It feels like I get more insight into the grown-up version, even if they are two separate beings. I love having a boy!

Holly said...

What a beautiful post, Kellan!

Shireen Loh said...

Oh Kellan, that is so beautiful the way you wrote about your boy. He is a sweet boy!!

Val Cox said...

how lucky he is to have you as his mom!

Summer said...

Beautiful post!

Beth said...

OHMYGOD!!!!

can he BE any cuter? I think not!!

What a cutie pie

utmomof5 said...

Arn't kids the BEST!! I never knew I could love anyone as much as them.

Christina

Don Mills Diva said...

Aww Kellan what a sweet, sweet post and that picture? Heartbreakingly sweet. Thanks.

chickadee said...

love that. i have one son too and he melts my heart.

Em said...

What a great post, made my well up!

Andrea said...

Ooh...I'm all tingly! That was beautiful, Kellan!!

I've never thought that I've missed out on anything by not having a son, but that post made me think differently for the first time ever.

Amanda said...

He does sound like a really sweet boy and that photo definitely shows it. You have to save all your posts so that your children can read it in the future .... they are all so meaningful!

truth said...

Oh my, that boy looks so much like his momma-such beautiful eyes. I have 4 daughters and one boy (who is 23 years old now.) As we were sitting around at Christmas time, one of my girls commented that I had a favorite child. They all pointed to my son. They are certain he is the favorite child. I've tried explaining to them that I only have one son and 4 daughters, that my relationship is different with him. They still maintain he is my favorite. Sigh.

Melanie said...

What a beautiful post. You have such a way with words.

joan said...

What a wonderful post! Your little guy is so cute. Love reading about your kiddies and the way you express things about them is just great!

Wendy said...

Such a sweet post. He will love reading this someday. I know exactly how you feel...I feel the same about mine.

Karen said...

Awwww...so well-said, Kellan!

Karen said...

You are such a role model mom. You children should rise up and call you blessed.

Boys are wonderful things, aren't they?

Hetha said...

this is so sweet and tender, what a boy and what a momma!

Andrea said...

I love this post! And I know exactly how you feel (besides the fact that my little boy is still little!) but I see a little boy that is just SO loveable and precious and I can't even describe the love he makes me feel for him...I wouldn't know how to live without it either!

Kami said...

Exactly how I feel about my two munchkins.

I couldn't breathe without them.

:-)

Another beautiful post.

Tot's Mom said...

A very warm & loving post. Your motherly love certainly shines through very brightly with this one. ;)

Victoria said...

Kellan - that was lovely! I've missed reading you the last week while I was traveling. It's good to be back. I trust your holiday was wonderful. Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Jen said...

He sounds like a kid any mother would be proud to have! There is a warmth in his eyes. You are a lucky mommy. Beautiful post as always.

MamaGeek said...

Hi Kellan, it's me (WFM), I just changed my profile name. I hope you and your fam had an awesome Christmas. That shot is SO sweet and I so hope he reads this post in10 years.

justabeachkat said...

What a beautifully written post! So sweet!

Hugs!
Kat

Ann(ie) said...

He is the sweetest little munchkin and YOU could not be a sweeter mama.

Manda said...

my grandmother sings billy boy all of the time. I adore it. haha.

Bren said...

Kellan, that is a beautiful, sweet tribute to your son! And that picture? ...the cutest!!

Shellie said...

That was just beautiful!

Michelle O. said...

What a wonderful post! I can't wait until Jim and I have a baby...I'm really hoping for a boy. I've been told they are less emotional than girls, and I need a break :)

Zoe said...

what a sweet picture and an awesome post. i'm all teary....

Kathryn said...

Tears. Tears, tears, tears in my eyes. Just beautiful. And an absolutely gorgeous pic of a handsome little man.

dawn224 said...

Oh Billy boy.

these little boys just grab hold and don't let go don't they?

kristi said...

Very sweet post. My son has always seemed to NEED me ...while my daughter has been trying to grow up too fast!

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