Monday, July 14, 2008

Old Lady With A Baby

It hasn't happened in a long while.


I don't know why, exactly ... but, I have had a reprieve.


I have enjoyed its absence.


I have appreciated the break.


But ...


It did not last.


It was too good to be true.


It was bound to happen again ... eventually.


I was at church recently, sitting with an old friend.


My mother was there.


My friend's sister was there.


My friend's sister's ... beautiful, youthful, twenty-something, daughter - the one with the porcelain complexion, silky, long dark brown hair, pearly white smile, slender, beautiful body, giggly stories - Yes ... she was there, as well.


I sat in a pew next to my dear friend.


My friend's sister and the goddess-like daughter were in the pew right behind us.


My mother sat in the pew behind them.


There was no one else in the chapel and we had gathered to talk.


My friend's niece began to tell a darling story about her little son.


We listened.


We giggled.


We laughed.


"How old is he now?" I asked - remembering this boy when he was only a baby. Remembering the niece when she was just a baby. Realizing at that moment ... that she was STILL ONLY A MERE BABY!


"Oh ..." she smiled so big, "He's 7 years old," she gushed with pride.


"I can't believe that!" I exclaimed - this comment we all say when we hear about a child we haven't seen for long while.


"Yes," she explained, "He's seven now."


I hesitated.


I hem-hawed.


I debated with myself for a moment.


Then, I said ...


"My Alexis is six," the words came out of my mouth at the same time my brain said, 'Keep quiet. Keep it to yourself - you fool - you are OLD - she is a child - she is a goddess-child with a 7 year old son. She will never understand. It will likely blow her mind. She's liable to faint or have spasms or ... GAG'!


But ... I said it.


I did.


And ...


I sat there and waited.


We all waited.


She got this strangled look on her face and then she muttered, "Wwwhat?" with a startled hesitation in her voice.


Had she heard it right?


Could it be possible?


Surly not!


"Yes ... I have Alexis - who is 6. I mention it because your story ..." I keep talking, but I see that she is clearly in shock, "Was so cute and I know how they are - 6 year olds - so cute," I ramble.


Then ...


Once she heard me ...


Really HEARD me ...


This goddess-child ---- the one with the shiny hair, porcelain complexion, pearly white smile, slender, youthful body ---- the one with a child one year older than mine ---- (ME ---- the elderly, aging friend of her Aunt M ---- the one not quite yet in need of a walker or a hearing aid, but ancient, nonetheless) ... she ... opens her eyes real big and ...


She GASPS!


Like people do when they hear or see something ... shocking!


Like people do when they hear or see something ... hideous!


Like people do when they are a struck by ... fear!



That sort of GASP!




The sort of GASP ---- where the person just instinctively SUCKS in a bunch of air - no words - only that G-A-S-P sound.


You know.


YEP!
It. Was. Hysterical!


And ...


It didn't hurt my feelings.


It didn't even surprise me.


It ... made me ...


THROW MY HEAD BACK AND LET OUT A LAUGH SO SPONTANEOUS AND INFECTIOUS - We all began to cackle right there in the chapel in the very front pews.


She, of course, began to try to back-pedal herself out of this moment, but it was too late.


I said, "I know ---- it's just not right," and we laughed some more.


On the upside ... Just about the time I am perfectly happy, strolling along, living in my I'm-too-old-to-haven't-had-any-"Are-you-the-grandma?"-comments-in-a-long-while-so-I-must-be-looking-younger DELUSIONAL world ... A perfectly darling, young goddess-child-with-a-7 year old ... comes along ... and pushes me right back down in my rickety rocking chair and hands me a cup of tea and and afghan to throw across my feeble legs.

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82 comments:

Michelle said...

Oooo, I hate those goddess like women (whether they have children or not) just a teensy bit for being so goddess like. But no gasping! Seriously, who would think you're a grandma? Unless they breed grandma's different down there than what they do up here, you ain't no grandma!

One Scrappy Chicklet said...

I completely understand. I have to explain often why I am starting all over again with little league and boyscouts. Boo is 19 today, Kyle is 16 and then here comes D man who is 10. I actually had my tubes tied when Kyle was born and they grew back over 6 years. Imagine my shock when the Dr said I was pregnant.
I can't imagine anyone thinking you were a grandma, you are gorgeous darlin.....

Tami

PS: Thank you for using the picture of me exercising in your post. ROFLMFAO

Kelsey said...

You had me laughing out loud at this one! Sometimes people just dont think before they talk or well gasp lol

suz said...

This is so funny. It is so great that you can laugh at such things and you see both sides of most situations. It takes all kinds of Moms to raise special kids. No cookie cutters will do....
Take care,
Suz

Miss Blondie said...

I can totally relate to this story. There are huge age gaps in my family. I have a much younger sister who is 10, and a brother who is 8 months younger than my son! So imagine people's surprised looks when my son calls my very young looking mother grammy. And we try to explain our strange family dynamics. I find it very amusing every time.

The Fritz Facts said...

Oh I laughed out loud on this one. I get the reverse of this, especially when I go to Hunter's conferences with hubby. His mom does too, we are both really young to have an 11 year old. But, it makes me laugh every time.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Kellan, This is quite funny. You are a saint to be such a good sport. I think my pride would occassionally settle in. I get those "you cant POSSIBLY be serious that these two are brothers" comments when I introduce my two adopted (one mixed race) to new people.

Family dynamics are just too hard to explain to some.

KEEP BELIEVING

Denise Wheeler said...

Kellan,
Too funny. I don't know if I would have handled that all that well. I have however seen my poor hubby handle many a similar situation just as well. I am usually the one that gets miffed. He has been asked a few times since the arrival of our trio if he is their grandfather. He doesn't even look that old!!

Good & Crazy said...

I totally did that to a gentleman recently...."Is that your grandson?"

"No, he's mine". But turns out he was an adopted child...but still?

I'm ready to hear the rest of your story?

dani said...

kellan, if you got through that with a big laugh, you will have no problem in san francisco:D
love,
dani

Karen said...

That's how I feel when I look at my peers and their TEENAGED children while I'm still changing diapers and trying to wean my 23-month-old.

Becky said...

I SO threw back my head and laughed at this post. YOU RAWK!

Are You Serious! said...

♡ I love your stories! That cracks me up. :)

Natalie said...

That's too funny!!! Thanks for the laugh! :)

Amanda said...

Thats funny Kellan:-D
I love the picture on this post!
L,
Amanda x

NuttyGal said...

I was expecting to see some grey haired picture of a granny in your about me section - you are NOT old!!! You are VERY funny though!!! Have fun at the blog her thingy ;o)

Jocasta said...

So funny - not fair but so funny!

Tabitha said...

Kellan ~ you look just great and as my Gran would always say 'you are only as old as you feel!!' ~ which in my case (today), would be about 100!! hee hee.
love and hugs to you ~ Tabitha XXX

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Thanks for the morning laugh. Too cute.

kim-d said...

Why is it that those goddess-like children seem to find it so hard to believe that us old crones are capable of getting us a little baby-making action, too. Sheesh. They act like they invented it! BWAHAHAHA!

Have a great day, Kellan Renee!

Jacki said...

HAHA! Oh my, I must admit that there are times I look at people with young children and think "they must be the grandparents." But really, you aren't too old to have a girl her age....

Cheeky said...

Ahhh yes, the young goddess types.....I know them well....LOL

Tanja said...

Kellan-I am passing along an award to you. Come check it out!

Kel said...

Oh Kellan...I bet that was a really good laugh. How is it that in our early youth we can't seem to believe 'older' does not mean 'old'? Because by the time we reach older, I don't feel anything like OLD?! haha
~K

Wendi said...

Kellan,
I don't think you are too old to have a six year old.
It is her that is too young.
Nuff said.

Dawn said...

I just love your sense of humor Kellan. This is so funny!

Joanna said...

Nu-huh - you ain't a granny. You don't even play one on tv! :)

Good for you for throwing it right back at her - and laughing about it. If you were this said old lady you would have told her off cuz that's what old ladies do.

Jen said...

It's better to laugh than cry! If you keep your sense of humor, you'll always feel young.

Kaci said...

Awhhhh Kellan you are one hot Momma!! Screw the goddess's! :)

HRH said...

I love being an older mom because people just assume you are MUCH younger due to the kids' ages. Too funny.

sting said...

LOL! good for you.. would have loved to see her face!

Mary Beth said...

My mom gave birth to #6 at age 42 - that surprised a lot of people but we're a fertile lot:D

bren j. said...

hahahaha.

Amanda said...

Oh Kellan - you crack me up!!!

By the way - my sister was at the same lake you were - you guys must be about an hour apart. She said they ate somewhere in Marble Falls.

Helen E.M. Wright said...

You can't grow old unless you grow up!!!!

April said...

Boy people are kinda rude! Women have children nowadays at ANY age, so no one should assume you are "too old" (which I HIGHLY doubt you are "old"!). You look great! :-)

Sally said...

Oh Lordy, at first I thought you were about to say you were expecting!! But, that would be cool too. You're NOT old; I'm twenty years older than you and I'm NOT old. hahahaha

My daughter became a grandma at 41; when we go places with Hunter people think she's the mom and I'm the grandma. I LOVE it!!!

Courtney said...

Hilarious!

tollesons4him said...

Thank you for making me laugh on this Monday morning..... I needed it :)

Cheffie-Mom said...

How funny!! Who cares the age of a mother, as long as she is a wonderful mother, and I can see from your blog posts- YOU ARE! Have a great day!

Monogram Queen said...

Honey being 41 with a 3 y/o I get the "shock" alot!!! LOL

Marmarbug said...

Oh god! I always get the look when I say I have a three year old. People ask if I am still in high school! COME ON! Seriously? I do not look that young.
And you do NOT look like any grandma to me!

Marmarbug said...

Oh god! I always get the look when I say I have a three year old. People ask if I am still in high school! COME ON! Seriously? I do not look that young.
And you do NOT look like any grandma to me!

Julie said...

I get the gasps when people find out I want more. *lol*

Dad said...

eNJOY YOUR MOMENTS. THEY ARE PRECIOUS

Amanda said...

Maybe she's too young to have the 7 year old and YOU are perfect!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

In our neighborhood it would be the young one that was the anomaly. I'm practically the only person I know that had a baby befor 30.

shay said...

I love your stories! Too funny.

I was that young mom at one point too, gasping with awe at the aged parents with kids younger than mine but then I went on to have more kids and be the not-so-young mom....enough said lol.

I've always wanted to have at least one more...maybe even *gasp* in my 40's. lol. People think I'm deeee-ranged!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Too funny! I have always been on the other end, people thinking I am the babysitter etc. The suckiest day ever was the one when people stopped being shocked that I was the mom, not the sister or sitter. ugh.
Hope you have been doing well, I have missed you!

duchess said...

This is so funny. I'm glad you have a good sense of humor. I think I might have just knocked her on her cute ___ (and at church too).

Janet said...

I had a similar thing happen in the grocery store. The clerk wanted to know if they were my grandbabies and I said, "No, they're mine." And she made it worse. Her eyes got wide and she did the very gasp you described so eloquently and said, "REALLY!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?"
To be fair, my 4-year-old daughter does have friends whose grandparents are younger than I am. I started late.

ANd let me tell you I am NOT AT ALL HAPPY to hear about Scrappy Chicklets tubes growing back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You don't look like anyone's grandma!

Tia said...

I was a surprise baby to my parents, since my dad had had the snip over a decade before when he was married to his first wife (she passed away, then he met and married my mom).

He was....FIFTY-FOUR when I was born. I then had a 1/2 brother who was 18 and a 1/2 sister who was 14.

Now, at 27, I wouldn't change having a "grandpa dad" for the world. I love him more than anything, and he spoiled me as if I were his grandchild :) He's 80 now, and the thought of losing him kills me. I'm eternally grateful that he made it to my wedding in May. We almost lost him 1.5 years ago when we fell off the roof, but he's doing well (for someone who is 80) now.

rthling said...

Isn't it nice to know that when you are really in need of that afghan, you'll have someone around to bring it to you?
PS. You are not too old to have a six-year-old. She just was too young to have a seven-year-old.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You could just come over here, and we two old ladies with small children could sit in the grass and laugh at all of those porcelain faced children with children (ours will be the last laugh, our children keep us young-- they will just age twice the rate). :-)

laurwilk said...

I think there are some big benefits to having an older parent. For example, my sister who is 8 gets an iPod at the same time that her 23 year old sister gets one. She also seems to have a later curfew at 8 than I did at 18. And when you're the youngster with older sibs, you have someone to drive you around when Mom forgets to drop you off at your friend's birthday party (because she's too busy blogging). Kidding!

Jaina said...

You definitely turned a potentially awkward situation into laughter, great job! What a funny story, and that picture is perfect for this post!

Heather said...

But, as this story demonstrates, you are so much smarter and experienced than her. Two qualities that let this whole thing roll of your back and delight rather than upset.

Lisa said...

Thanks for the laugh and I love the pic! I couldn't do that 20 years ago!

Melissa said...

You are so not old!! I have a 6 year old, too. We're just well experienced!! ;)

Kelli said...

people ask my husband all thetime if B&K; are his grandchildren and once at the airport someone asked if I was his daughter. I am ONLY 9 years younger! but it happens here at our house too

Adrian said...

I don't assume ANYTHING any more. Families are just too different than they used to be. Ours are very widely spaced too and our grandchildren are: coming soon, 4, 6, 8 and our youngest son is 10. Most of the time, we just lump him in with the grandkids and leave it at that.

We were all out somewhere to eat a few months ago and my pregnant daughter-in-law said "Having a 10 year old brother-in-law - that's just sick!". I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard!

Donna said...

A friend of ours is 60...he & wife have a 17yr old son...LOL...You're YOUNG Sweetheart!!! Trust me!! Happy and smiling night to you little love!!hughugs

Brenda said...

But you're only 29, right? :-)

Kathryn said...

My dad was 44 and my mom was 36 when I was born. Back in the day that was really old to have a baby. Now, it is no big deal. Still I am very careful to always ask, "and who is this little guy/gal?" instead of saying "is this your son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter?"
So glad you have such a wonderful sense of humor.

Rachel said...

I felt like I was right there with you. I think only you could have told the story as perfectly as you did. Thanks Kellan!!

Bren said...

That cracked me up, especially the picture.

OHmommy said...

Oh man oh man. THAT picture made me pee my pants. And the story... I'm too classy to tell you how much tea landed on my screen after I snorted in from my nose, after laughing so hard.

Katrina said...

Nice one, Kellan. I love what a great sense of your humor you have. :-)

Ann(ie) said...

YOU crack me up!!! That'll be me someday. I too get the gasps when I talk about wanting another. They look on in confusion to my senile rambling.

justabeachkat said...

She's gonna keep you young! Great post. You can always make me laugh!

Hugs!
Kat

Rebecca a.k.a. Mum said...

LOL OMG I have totally BTDT.

I had a young girl at Office Max ask if my kids (photos) in my wallet (which she saw when I got my credit card out) were my grandkids!!

I told her I am only 37, how old do you think I am????
She did not seen to notice she had insulted me and just shrugged and kept on ringing up my sale.

Then a young girl in Walmart commented on how adorable my 2.5 year old SON was, and asked if I was his grandma...again the I am so old...she said "Oh I just thought he was about 4 and you were his grandma".....HUH????

Young people nowdays....I tell you.

Thanks for the laugh tonight Kellan, I needed it! :)

Elaine A. said...

I am sure she felt horrible.

My Mom had me a little later in life and she got the "grandma" comment a few times. She always handled it with grace, just as I am sure you do! : )

TONYA said...

oh yeh, I've been on both sides of this fence. I'm not liking the side I'm currently on, blah. I wanna be back on the side when my now teenager was a wee little one.

tammy said...

Reminds my when my friend (20 years old) told her mom that she was pregnant, and her mom (41 years old) said, me too!!

Dana said...

that is like the greatest picture.....

joan said...

Funny funny post Kellan, you have a great sense of humor. I don't think I ever was a goddess. LOL

The Boyds Family said...

You don't look like any grandma I've ever seen and you certainly don't act like one.

Great post!

Shellie said...

That was great! I'm the old lady with twin 6 year old babies!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Not so much do I like the goddess type. I am willing to admit it is jealousy.
You are not old. Think about the 70 year old indian woman who had twins on the 4th of July. Now that is old. Her hubby is 77. They did invetro.(sp) Insanity!!!!

KARIN said...

OK, Kellan! Just for you!

http://sillymomramblings.blogspot.com/

This will be my first and last post on this thing, though. Im so not technical :(

Darla said...

Oh heavenly days, this is just so stinking funny! We all hear you on those goddess-like child moms! Who needs them? Sounds like you dealt with it beautifully and turned the moment into one enjoyed by all! You are gifted! :)

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