Tuesday, August 19, 2008

LIGHTS OFF!

I make the rounds.


I wash the last of the nightly dishes in the sink.


I wipe off the kitchen counter.


I let the cat out the back door - flip on the outside porch light - flip off the kitchen light and head upstairs.


I stop by the bathroom in the hallway and clean up the water splattered on the counter and mirror - put away toothbrushes and paste and flip off the light.


In the hallway, I lower the thermostat to a cool 73 degrees.


I turn back slowly and kick the door to my son's room open gently with my foot.


And then ... I see him.


He's lying perfectly still on top of his comforter.


His arms are criss-crossed across his chest - like a dead person in a coffin.


His eyes are closed.


He's wearing his jeans.


He's wearing a red t-shirt.


He's wearing his high-top Converse sneakers. The one's that are black, but are embossed on the sides with flashy designs of orange and yellow flames.


The light from the hallway shines into his little-boy-room and I can see those sneakers - those flames - clearly.


I walk over to his bed.


I nudge him.


He stays very still.


I say, "Little Billy," and I nudge him again.


Still - no movement.


I shake him harder, "Why didn't you change your clothes?" he stirs a bit. "Why aren't you in your pajamas?" he uncrosses his arms and opens his eyes - suspiciously more awake than a "dead" - truly, sleeping person would be. "Why do you still have on your shoes?" I tug on the closest Converse.


The boy flings his skinny arms above his head and rolls onto his side. He stretches, he arches his back - he mumbles ... "Because --- I didn't want to have to ... tie them again ... tomorrow," he pulls a pillow over his head.


The warden walks away.


She turns off the lights behind her and ... shuffles on down the corridor.


On the upside ... I am like a prison warden. I make the nightly rounds and then check in on the inmates - make sure all is good in A.L.C.A.T.R.A.Z. Some inmates are happy to follow the rules - do the normal things. But ... there are often rebels - trying to make their own rules - trying to come up with ways to stay a step ahead of everyone else. Some that skip showers and tooth brushing - wear their clothes over and over again and put their shoes on - before - they go to bed - lacing them up perfectly - so they are READY TO GO - back out to the yard - the next day. They are good for a laugh - these rebel inmates. (*hear off in the distance prison doors slam shut - lights off - warden slips into the shadows and heads off to bed*)

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56 comments:

Rosemary Bogdan said...

Funny. And for a second were you terrified that maybe he was NOT alive? (Or is that just for paranoid moms like me?
Boys are so funny. Do they think they're getting away with something when they don't brush their teeth? They seem to actually think that tooth brushing is some meaningless, totally unnecessary morning ritual.
Those undeveloped brains. You gotta love em.
I've had daughters wear their clothes to bed too.
Too funny.

Joanna said...

Heehee - goodnight captain! :)

MamáChanga said...

HILARIOUS!!

Btw, I was one of those kids that slept like the dead (hands crossed over chest, no noise, no movement), she reminds me all the time of it and how she'd sneak in just to check if I was still breathing!

Hugs & Blessings!

Amanda said...

LOL! You are SUCH a funny woman. And your kids sound like funny (practical) kids :)

Tabitha said...

Little Billy is obviously one for thinking ahead!! That is just so funny Kellan!
I feel like a prison warden some days too ha ha !!
love and hugs XXX

Amanda said...

What a boy Kellan!!!
Thanks to little Billy for the laugh this morning!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You're a nicer warden than me. I'd be shaking people awake to clean up the toothpaste mess!

Nancy said...

Billy ... the plan ahead thinker.
Too funny!

Brenda said...

Oh yeah, they're great little time savers at that age. Wonderful post Miz Kellan.

Shannon said...

This makes perfect sense mom!!!!!

Kel said...

HA - now that is ingenious thinking on little Billy's part.

Did you ever imagine your life as a warden growing up? :)

Have a wonderful day!
~K

Amy said...

LOL!:)

That is exactly what I feel like here too.

Sometimes when I flop a bowl of oatmeal on the table in front of my husband, he will look at me and say,
"Thanks, Warden!";)

Thanks for the giggles!
Amy:)

Sally said...

Unless I'm wrong, isn't that the scouts motto "be prepared" - you know that camp that Little Billy hates to go to. hahahahaha

Donna said...

Sounds like he's got it all figured out...hahahaha...as long as his teeth are brushed, and he smells nice, let him run!! Time's too short to worry about it! You're raising Good kids!!hughugs

Monogram Queen said...

Lord I don't know how he can sleep in his clothes and shoes.
You DO sound like a warden making final rounds LOL

Courtney said...

All right warden, your little boy has it all figured out, doesn't he?

Btw, I still sleep in that exact position and with my eyes half open, apparently it's a little freaky!

Jennifer said...

that Little Billy.. he is a good idea here. My son is a pain the butt to get ready in the morning for school.. and we have only 2 wks till they go back... so I'm thinking I might dress him the night before and have him go to bed that way... and the next morning will be a breeze.... well almost we will still need to argue about eating breakfast. lol

he is too cute!! :)

xoxoxoxo

tammy said...

That is so funny!

And why is that boys think it's okay to wear the same clothes for a week? If I didn't make them change their clothes or bathe, they wouldn't.

dani said...

ha, kellan!!! little billy wasn't born yesterday... as he was also lying atop his comforter so as to not have to make his bed in the morning either:b
love,
dani

Kaci said...

Oh how I remember doing that or would put on my clothes for the next day and as soon as I woke I'd run out the door too! :)

Little Sweethearts said...

Carpe Diem, Little Billy!

And what a better way to get of to a flying start than with 'flaming shoes'!

L,
Tania

Julie said...

*rofl* ... When I was in 1st grade I tried that once, even wearing my coat to bed, so I wouldn't have to get ready the next day... The only problem? I shared a full size bed with my sister, and kicked her with my shoes on all night... She wasn't too happy the next morning. *wink*

Tanja said...

That is the funniest thing ever, was he planning on wearing the same outfit too?

girlytwins said...

Hilarious! The less shoe tying the more time for playing in my book :)

Leah said...

That is hilarious! Kids are so dang funny. I can see Jared doing things like that. Heck, he already hoards shoes and clothes under his bed because he "wants to have them in case he needs them in the middle of the night". um... yeah...

Sandra Carvalho said...

LOL!That was funny!
xoxo

Hannah said...

Hahahah sounds like someone wanted a little bit extra sleep in the morning :P
Very funny! It sounds like something my youngest brother, Jack, would do!!

l,
Hannah

The Fritz Facts said...

How funny! It is not easy to give into the sleep and wait for a new day. Last night I found Boo debating over her outfit for the next day...at 10:30. 2 hours after lights out. The poor thing was just torn.

Marmarbug said...

Smart kiddo! I used to hate falling asleep in my clothes. Wait scrath that I STILL hate it!

Karen said...

Ha!! I guess clean socks are not a priority for him ...

Amanda said...

So cute! I thought before I got the end of the story that he was dressed already so he didn't have to get up early to do it in the morning so he could hop out of bed. But, I like his answer better!

Nicki said...

LOL... tell him, not even firefighters sleep with their shoes on!!!

joan said...

LOL Watch for those inmates so they don't start any prison riots. Cute post Kellan!

Denise said...

That is so cute. Great post!
Denise

Helen E.M. Wright said...

Just like a man...trying to get out of doing one less thing! ;)

forgetfulone said...

I feel like a warden sometimes, too. I wish we didn't feel that way, but I guess it's part of being a mom. Your son sounds a lot like mine!

Dad said...

Who ever said "Boys" were easy to raise? ? BUT girls are much more of a challenge

MamaGeek said...

Ah, Billy. Some girl is gonna have to put you in some SERIOUS training should the Warden not break these habits! :)

Too funny Kellan!

Hillary said...

Shoes in bed?!?! Gross!

Ellie said...

Wow! That is too funny! At first, I thought it would be a scary ending, and for my first visit her... I was like,"woah..." And then it turned out hilarious! Nice!

Smoochiefrog said...

I have been there. Totally.

Now my constant problem is getting B to take his glasses off before he falls asleep. That child has permanent marks on his head from them.

yertle said...

This is so sweet.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Cute. I thought he was faking when you started the story and would jump out at you or something.

KEEP BELIEVING

jamie said...

This story is priceless! What a little cutie! I should do that--get dressed BEFORE bed every night so I dont have to worry about it in the morning! :)

TheCynicalOptimist said...

OMG- now that is a good way to look at things. "So I don't have to tie them in the morning." too funny!

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

I can't imagine that is too comfortable sleeping in shoes!!

Sally said...

You okay today? Just checking~~

E said...

Little Billy stories make me very happy.....

gina said...

lol. he reminds me of me when i was a little girl and the night before holidays I would sleep in a sleeping bag NEXT to my fully made bed- so I didn't have to make it in the morning. :)

Are You Serious! said...

♥ That cracks me up! All because he didn't want to lace them up again! What a cute boy! :)

Ann(ie) said...

That cracks me up, too. What a little wise one you have there!!!

Me said...

Too funny... :) My brother use to do something similar when we were kids. :)

Trace

Janet said...

Hey, it makes perfect sense to me!

bichonpawz said...

I think we all have our little nightly rituals!! And there is always a rebel!

Michelle said...

You know, Kellen, sometimes reading what goes on in your life has me very frightened for the future :)

Jaina said...

You know, I'd never thought of that. But then, I hate wearing shoes at all, so it's not too much of a surprise.

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