Friday, September 5, 2008

The Path That Is My Life

When I was a little girl - I was often lonely, as some girls are.


I never quite fit in.


I wondered if I would find my way.


I always felt as though I was on my right path, but ... I often walked alone.


When I grew up ... I looked back and I realized that it was not a winding road.


It was as if I could look down a long straight tunnel and I could see clearly who that girl was and where she was going.


She seldom veered off the trail that would lead her into her life.


She kept her eyes on the light at the end of that lonely tunnel and she constantly moved towards it.


I don't know if this is how it is for every young girl, but I am grateful for the choices this young girl made.


Grateful for her strength.


For her focus.


For the drive that pushed that little girl to where she ended up in her life.


I am grateful that she was smart and stubborn.


That she was determined and ambitious.


That she learned to persevere through turmoil and pain.


I am thankful for that path and that she was wise enough to keep on it and push herself towards the end.


I am no longer that little girl, but ...


I remain on that right path and while the end is far out in front of me ... I see it clearly.


Just as I always have ...


I see it clearly.


And ...


I no longer see the past as a tunnel, but more as a funnel that has delivered me to where I am.


I have not always made the right choices and I know there will be many wrong ones still to come.


What I do know is this ...


I am proud of that little girl ...


I am amazed by where she has led me ...


I am thankful she held my hand ...


And ...


I am no longer alone.


********************************


When I would visit my grandmother up on Herman Street - I would pick apples from the tree in the side yard. I'd gather those apples up and run quickly to the front porch and dump them in a pile on the swing. I'd run into the house for a shaker of salt and then race back out to the porch, find me a spot on the floor or banister and spend the afternoon eating salted apples and watching the world go by.

In my life ... I have often said, "We have come a long way since Herman Street," and we have - I have. I still love salted apples and all the memories that were made up in that old house with family and loved ones. I also love that when I look back at my life - down the long road - I can see Herman Street as clearly as it is in this photo. It is a part of who I was and it is a part of who I am.

Herman Street is just one of many streets I have traveled on in the path that is my life - but ... in many ways, it is where it all started and in many ways ... it is where I still go.

Lately, I have been there ... if only briefly ... to remember the view from ... the beginning of my life.

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46 comments:

Anna said...

It seems you have landed in a very place, indeed! :-)

Kel said...

Oh Kellan, sometimes your words just hit home. I don't know if every little girl walks that path alone (it would seem to one is that she is the only one), but your reference to the tunnel is perfect. So many times I have felt alone and wondered where everyone else was on this journey...but it is much more than that, as you so eloquently put it.

Thank you for the beautiful story!
~K

Dawn said...

First of all, I love that photo of you as a little girl! Your words here were so beautiful...it's good to pause and remember where we came from once in a while.

Eagles' Wings said...

Good to look back once a while.

Angela said...

It is crazy how as we get older and look back on memorys things seem different

mamajil said...

This is a great post! I love the picture!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Words of an angel.

Sally said...

Very touching; nicely worded. I can relate; the house is gone but I still hold a picture in my heart.

You're a nice person and know exactly who you are. :)

groovyteach said...

I teach high school--and I think SO MANY girls feel this way. It starts when young and just continues. Many girls make very poor decisions because of it. I was a girl like that and luckily, education saved me from myself :)

Elaine A. said...

Good ole Herman Street...

Beautiful post Kellan. And that picture of you is just divine!

dani said...

kellan, that is a beautiful photograph!!! i, too, am grateful that i stayed on the straight and narrow path and ate apples with salt (that's the ONLY way to eat them; right)!!!
thank you, sweet kellan, for sharing:)
love,
dani

Rachel said...

Kellan.
Damn, just damn woman.

You. touch. my heart.

Kelsey said...

You are such a genuine person. I wish I knew you in real life.

JCK said...

Lovely post, Kellan. That is a darling picture of you. Alexis looks so much like you!

Dad said...

Beautifully said, Beautifully said. You have done well.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It is so interesting how reaching mid-life makes us suddenly begin to reflect so much on our childhoods. I have been experiencing this phenomenom myself.

Very lovely post.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Just wanted to let you know that YOU ROCK! So much so that I am giving you an award. Come on over and pick er up!

Are You Serious! said...

♥ That was great! I love the picture! :)

Jacey said...

You're back! Yay! :D

Salted apples? I've never heard of that. Is it an American thing? A Texan thing? A you thing? :)
I know apples go well with salty cheese, but I'd never considered plain old salt with them.

Jennifer said...

this really is a beautiful post.

you know how to touch people.

Heidi said...

Beautifully written and the picture couldn't be more perfect. Thank you for sharing that.

duchess said...

What a beautiful post.

I think we could all look back & find our Herman Street.
Thanks for sharing you wonderful memories.

Salted apples, really? I've never tried this - I may have to do so.
Enjoy your weekend, Kellan.

Kaci said...

That's a great picture! You have such a way of story telling you inspire me greatly! XOXO have a great weekend Kellan!

Amanda said...

I love the picture! The story is very true for all of us! We can always look back, but continue to move forward! Thanks for sharring and have a great weekend!

Brenda said...

The path from Herman street turned into a true adventure. Wonderful post Kellan.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Great photo. You are so cute! Then and today.

Also? Salted Apples? Sounds yucky to me but very nostaligic.

KEEP BELIEVING

Amanda said...

A lovely post and very well written.
l,
Amanda x

Betsy said...

That was beautiful... thanks for sharing that with us. Dang pregnancy hormones got me wellin up! lol

Jen said...

The first thing I thought was, that looks like Alexis! This post made me think back to my childhood and the fun times.

Sandra Carvalho said...

Great pic!
Lovely lovely post Kellan!
Thanks for sharing!
xoxo

Tabitha said...

Oh Kellan ~ what totally beautiful words ~ brought tears to my eyes and made me think of my childhood too!! (although I have never eaten salted apples).
love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Beautiful post! And what a darling picture of you!

Rosemary Bogdan said...

Nice, thoughtful post. What a sweet picture

joan said...

Great post Kellan! Love the photo but have never heard of salted apples. I'll have to try it sometime. Have a good one!

Pregnantly Plump said...

What a nice post! I love the picture and it fits the post perfectly.
It's making me think. Porbably my path is winding, but I'll have to think on it.

Robin said...

Very inspirational. Maybe I'm suffering from "oldtimers" but I find it hard remembering a lot of my childhood.

Michelle said...

I was in that tunnel for a really long time. It's only in the past couple of months that I started wondering if my path is starting to fork a lot.

And salted apples? That, I've never heard of. Interesting concept (and now I need to go get OUR last apple and eat it -- sans salt though!).

JenniBeanV said...

Lovely!
It reminds me of something funny...whenever I dream about being home, I dream of my childhood home.

TheCynicalOptimist said...

Great post! It's funny how strong we can feel about memories so distant!

Texan Mama @ WhoPutMeInCharge said...

very deep, very introspective. Me likey!

OHmommy said...

Beautiful post Kellan. Is that a picture of you? If so, it is so sweet. I hope you have it framed.

Good N Crazy said...

AllRight. Just tell me already. How old are you after all? You don't even have to tell me in real years. Just tell me whether you actually saw the Beetles in concert or not?

That picture is the BEST. I keep wanting to do a me in the past post. DON't DARE!

Darla said...

Neat picture, so very neat story!

Monogram Queen said...

I love to go back... way way back and remember. Sweet....

Shellie said...

That is a great picture, and thoughts as well. It's nice to have the kids back in school and catch up on you!

Janet said...

I was the lonely little girl that never fit in as well. I still don't fit in (where I live, all the women my age who are toting around toddlers are toting their grandchildren), but I'm not lonely anymore. My ambitions, such as they were, were constantly squashed and thwarted by people who genuinely thought they had my best interests at heart. But I, too, am in a good place, in spite of them and in spite of myself.
Beautifully written, Kellan.

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