Wednesday, September 10, 2008

They Are Beginning To Trip Over Themselves ... Just To Get At Me - HA!

Remember in May - when I was on TV?





That interview I did on one of our local morning television shows ?


It was a good interview - I thought.

I enjoyed it.

I was famous - for a whole hour - here in my home city.

Well ...

I guess word is getting around ...

I guess it was only a matter of time ...

That I would one day ...

Be contacted by a prime-time television show!

YES - I was.


Yes - it came in the form of an e-mail from a producer of the CBS show - inviting me to consider being a ...swap-ie.


I won't name the title of the show - as I am not sure I am supposed to because ...

I declined.


It's really ...

THE LAST THING I NEED!


For the whole nation to sit down, turn on their televisions and ...


See me ...

Shipped off to some other lady's house in maybe - Iowa ... and have her shipped into mine!

For the whole nation to tune in to see ...


Me ... slopping pigs or milking cows ...


Or ...


Driving a tractor or bailing hay on a family farm.


All the while ... the mom-replacing-me would be showin' the world ...



Hear stories about how we find dead deer in our pool and how the father of the On The Upside household lasso's the deer, loads it into a wheel barrel and carts it off into the woods and dumps the poor thing - with his little redneck son by his side.


For the whole nation to come into my house and witness the fact that my children take baths only every few days or so and farther between ... if they have been swimming.


For the whole nation to look inside my laundry room and SEE those baskets of white socks that I am NEVER going to match up. That I just go out and buy new socks ... so I don't have to do this duty!


For the whole nation to see that I allow my forth child to eat rotten fruit.


For the whole nation to see that I have more shoes than I have places I will ever where so many shoes - to!


For the whole nation to hear about how I rely on our neighbors to castrate our cats.


For the whole nation to hear and possibly even see how the youngest On The Upside girl - only 7 years old - is allowed to wear little-girl-make-up.


For the whole nation to hear how the mother of the On The Upside family is sometimes so preoccupied that she will agree to most anything.


For the whole nation to see and hear how the boy child is destined to be a carnie.


For the whole nation to see how the On The Upside mother sometimes tells the small daughter that armadillo tails are really unicorn horns.


For the whole nation to find out that the only reason we go to church is because the 7 year old wakes the entire On The Upside household with LOUD SCREAMS on Sunday mornings - to go church - like the loudest church bell you have ever heard.


For the whole nation to see how the On The Upside kids sometimes wear their pajamas all day long, stay up way too late at night and have to fix themselves bowls of Captain Crunch cereal for lunch.


Oh, yes ... and for the whole nation to learn about the cowboy ghost that lives in our upstairs hallway.


For the whole nation to come into my house and learn that ... while I do help run my husband's electrical contracting business, maintain and run a household, monitor and chauffeur and feed and clothe and teach and raise - 4 children and 2 dogs and 2 cats and ... volunteer on the board of the PTA and in the school's of my children, and ... live a very busy life of cleaning and shopping and paying bills and running here and there ... that I also ... spend some of my time BLOGGING!


Nooooooooo ...


I don't need the whole nation to learn these things.


See these things.


Hear about these things.


I declined.


I just couldn't imagine any good coming from me being shipped off to some other family's house to - take care of and feed their children or interact with a strange man I would likely not like near as well as I like my own.


I could not imagine any good coming from my children being introduced to a potentially nicer mother or a woman that might influence them to believe that things are not being done correctly 'round here!


NOPE!


I declined.


If I'm going to be featured on a reality TV show ...


I'm holding out for ...




I figure I have way more experience and years of useful covert tactics to tackle a show like that! And ... the worst things I might be expected to do is eat some bugs or sleep in the jungle with some snakes or some monkeys. I'm already living in a house full of monkeys and ... I've known worse things than eating bugs. *It's raising children and pleasin' husbands I'm not so great at!*


Or maybe ... Extreme Makeover!


I'd be open to Ty Pennington coming down here to Texas ...


He doesn't even have to build me a new house ...



He can build me a bookcase - I'll just stand there and help him for an hour and ... wipe the sweat off his brow ...


On the upside ... Maybe one day they'll be tripping over themselves just to get at me (tee hee). Right now - all I got is this blog and that other blog. The first of which my littlest daughter still on occasion calls ... On The Outside. I keep telling her, "It's ON THE UPSIDE - UPSIDE!" *sigh*

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69 comments:

Brittany said...

You are the second person I've seen decline this show. ha ha. I wouldn't decline. Seriously. I would SO swap my family for another... Oh dear... maybe not... maybe I would get YOUR family... ;) ha ha ha ha... just kidding. I love you, and you know it! ;) Besides... you'd steal my kids; I just know it.

utmomof5 said...

I would never go on that show!! Not in a million years!! If Ty comes over could you let us know and maybe video tape it?

Eagles' Wings said...

Must be nice feeling like a celebrity, eh? TV stations calling ... who knows I will see you in HBO or AXN Asia channel...

Amy said...

LOL!:)

Hey, if you could get a chance to help wipe the sweat of of Ty's handsome brow, then maybe, just maybe, I could get the chance to help towel dry the Hansen brothers' brows on board the Northwestern, you know during those times that the Bering Sea gets a little rough.;)

Sigh.

If you ever get a call from the Deadliest Catch crew....make sure that you call me.

I'm just saying.;)

God Bless,
Amy:)

Sally said...

You are such a hoot, Kellan. Thanks for the smile tonight. And, I don't blame you one bit - good grief no tellin' what you'd end up with. The person going to your house though would have a wonderful time!

Angela said...

Well when you put it that way I totally get why you'd say no. That is one show I guess I don't really get. I mean why would I open my home to someone who doesn't appreciate our values or decision making processes or how we discipline our kids all for the sake of confrontational tv. No offense to anyone who does it, but I don't think its effects would be "fun" and especially when you list reasons out like you did it makes sense.

And hey, saying no can be hard so great job.

truth said...

Oh my goodness! I would have done it in a heartbeat. I don't care if America saw me at my worst, and my kids and husband and home and, and...I'd be somewhere else, being the mom I want to be with someone else's kids and home. LOL, I would love it.

But oh yeah, I'd do survivor too.

tammy said...

Hilarious post, Kellan!

I don't blame you one bit. Although I definitely would have loved to see you on that show.

If Ty does come to your house to build you something, can I come too?

Aleta said...

LMAO - I love the honesty on your site. What a trip! I've never hear of show calling for people. I always just figured it was people seeking to be on the show - something I would never do.

Smoochiefrog said...

Just remember us little people when you get your star on the walk of fame. :)

Andrea said...

AHH!! I would never do that either!! But SERIOUSLY?!?! You were contacted about that? How cool is that!!! Then I could've said I know somebody famous.

Oh well -- you're FAMOUS in the blogging world anyway, and that's something! :)

BoufMom9 said...

OMGosh! I am just laughing and laughing! I SO needed the giggles with the stress I have been under lately.
I don't think I could ever do that show! Know anyone who wants to take care of 14 kids, including 5 toddlers????

Kelly said...

I don't blame you....I wouldn't want to swap homes like that either. Invasion of privacy and I'd feel so awkward in someone's else's life.

Brenda said...

LOL, as though you didn't have enough to do huh? I watched a little of one episode where one lady was giving the other family's husband/father hell. I'd end up hog tied, gagged, and hung from a high-rise somewhere.

Kami said...

No doubt! I would refuse too, though of course they haven't asked me :-)

Some things are just better left off of national TV

Joanna said...

Ohmygosh that is hilarious!!

Angela said...

Well that is awesome that you got a call and felt like a star

Erin said...

Wow, you're a celebrity!!! I would have turned them down too, what if they saw my bathtub, OMG!

Ann(ie) said...

That show totally intrigues me!!! ALthough I'm the tiniest bit afraid that my hubby would not want me back. He'd get the opposite of me which means she'd be a republican, she'd scrub toilets and cook and not be sarcastic in the least. hehe. But, I make a lot of money and keeps us stocked in chocolate. ;)

Tanja said...

Fabulous post, I love reading all those great stories again, and you ask why they want you?!? See, they think you're awesome too!!

I don't blame you, I wouldn't do ir either. But, if Ty comes to Texas and builds you a bookshelf, I will take all the pictures you need, you know, so you can blog all about it!

forgetfulone said...

Wife Swap, I bet. I would have declined, too. I watched it when it first came out, then it got a little crazy, over the edge! Who knows where you'd end up! Wait for Ty!

Tabitha said...

I think that I would decline too ~ I have seen this programme over here and it always makes me cringe!!

Oh I love Ty so much ~ he can come and makeover me.....oops I mean my house ~ ANYTIME!!!! ha ha
love and hugs XXXXX

Ellyn said...

Ty is coming to build my book case. Sorry. I thought some one would have told you.

Great post. I am still laughing.

Bonnie the Boss said...

You sound like a pretty normal mom with a pretty normal family to me. But maybe that is because I have the same sort of stuff going on here and I am trying to justify it.
Also Ty Pennington can come hang a hook on my wall in the kitchen and I would be happy!

duchess said...

We wouldn't want any of that getting out.
Congrats on getting the offer, though.

Hope you're having a good week.

Kaci said...

Wow that is cool though!!! Congrats Kellan! I heart Ty!

Kel said...

haha...heaven forbid anyone find out about that stuff, you would be ruined! :)
(Your funny!)
~K

Monogram Queen said...

Dang Kellan you should have done it. Think of the hilarity! I know you would have been a HUGE HIT!!!

Queen of My Domain said...

I for one am glad you didn't swap. I think those shows are crazy. Why would you want to leave your zoo in exchange for another one. But Survivor or Amazing Race would definetely tempt me also.

katy said...

I would not do it either. That show seems to work very hard to put each mother with families that are completely different from what they know.
If Ty comes over would you give him my address? I don't need anything built but I will make something up.

Karen said...

If you've already told us all that, the show would be easy. I'm just sayin'.

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Man, I would never do the show. That would be my worse nightmare played out for America.

Amanda said...

At first the whole swapping thing sounds like a great idea, but then you get the opportunity like you and then it hits you. I don't want the world to see my little world, just like you mentioned.

Good for you for declining and not being pressured into being on the show!

Pregnantly Plump said...

It's nice that they thought of you, I guess. I wouldn't do that show, either. You seem way too normal for that show anyway!

Adrian said...

Good for you. I think those shows are just mean and I think it's very traumatic for the kids who end up getting stuck in the middle of it. It seems like they try to find someone who is your exact polar opposite and then dump them on your family just to watch the sparks fly. I'm glad you didn't go on there. But it would have been interesting to see who they would have picked for your swap partner, wouldn't it? Probably someone totally lazy like me!

Adrian said...

Good for you. I think those shows are just mean and I think it's very traumatic for the kids who end up getting stuck in the middle of it. It seems like they try to find someone who is your exact polar opposite and then dump them on your family just to watch the sparks fly. I'm glad you didn't go on there. But it would have been interesting to see who they would have picked for your swap partner, wouldn't it? Probably someone totally lazy like me!

Amanda said...

Now, wait a min kellan...Ty is all mine!!! hehe!
It was nice of them to ask you though!
l,
Amanda x

Stacie said...

ROFLMAO...I would do it, just to show my kids how GREAT I really am ;)

Super nanny, please contact me!

Karen said...

I would TOTALLY decline! Have you seen some of the families you could get swapped into while some circus freak forcefeeds raw meat to your cherubs? Ack!

Darla said...

Oh my gosh! I never saw that post before..That must have been during the time I had taken a small hiatus from the blogging world! SO FUN to see your interview, to see clips of your life, and to get that real life perspective of you that I've picked up by reading your posts. You are just like i imagined...even nicer!!! :) Thanks for putting that link in there. I'm so glad I got to see it!

Melissa said...

Ty Pennington can come and build me a bookshelf, too. I promise to hold his pants up so his crack doesn't show...well, maybe ;)

Mel's World said...

Kellan, you are too much! Good for you for sharing so much of yourself without going completely over the edge. Ha!

You Rock Girl!
Melissa

Persnickety Ticker said...

I'd pay good money to watch a live version of this post (with all it's outtakes) on national TV. That right there would be must see TV!

Leah said...

Ty can come build me a bookcase as well. ANY DAY.

Did you debate AT ALL about accepting the offer before turning it down? I think it would have been great fun to tune in to see you dealing with pigs or something. LOL Then I'd love to see your written rendition of the experience (because you know they'd edit the crap out of it on TV).

Jaina said...

Congrats on the invite, and I'm proud of you for declining. Good for you!

Jen said...

But, that would have been SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH!! You know we would all have tuned in. I would love to see you on Survivor, too. How would you get big hair? What would your luxury item be?

Karen MEG said...

That was cute, Kellan. And no, I don't blame you for not wanting to swap. Who knows where you'd end up LOL?

Ellie said...

to each his own, right?

JenniBeanV said...

It's super cool that they asked!

And if you ever looking for a Amazing Race partner...CALL ME! We can be the bloggers team!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

So, Kellan, did you sign up for it, then eventually decline, or did they just do a cold call to your house? You must be one interesting gal!!! I signed up for that show (the ABC one) and then when we actually made it past the application, we decided to decline. The last thing we needed was the media painting us out to be religious zealots. Plus, at the time, we lived in a REALLY small town. We'd NEVER have lived that gossip down!

Rebecca said...

I'd have said no too! Never watched the show, but very COOL that you got a call!

But, incidentally, I have been known to buy socks for the boys so I could have LOTS so I wouldn't have to match up/fold them as often.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Look at you! I think it is great that you got the offer--even if you declined it. And, since you just said to the whole blogosphere that you would do SURVIVOR, who knows what could be in your future! How fun is that and all becaause of blogging, if I understand the story right! One step for mommies, and maybe someday a huge leap for families everywhere :).

Valarie said...

I have seen those shows before and thought teh women were crazy to do that!! I would not be alright living by someone else's rules. I am going to stay in my comfort zone right here, thank you very much.

Rosemary Bogdan said...

Good for you! Those shows are weird. I would NEVER do that either.

One Scrappy Chicklet said...

Honey,
Ty could come to my house and build something out of Lincoln Logs for all I care as long as he takes his shirt off while he is doing it. Maybe I could convince him to put all those socks in MY laundry room together while he was at it. Or better yet he could go with me to by new ones. Coz thats the way I roll too. LOL

Hugz,

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I had no idea they were trolling the blogosphere. Someone else I read (Mad Mad?) has also been contacted.

You'd never make it through the screening process--you're entirely too normal!

JCK said...

*sigh* You're living the high life down there in Texas, my friend. And I wouldn't let any woman near that to die for shoe collection.

I think you made the right choice. :) Hold out for Ty. Definitely!

TheGreatStone.com said...

What a shame we wont see you on TV. Maybe next time you will get your 15 minutes of fame =)

Have a great one.

The Fritz Facts said...

The swapping shows creep me out a bit. They always have the most extreme people.

Good for you. I would have said nope too. Noone needs to see that my house is not perfectly cleaned. Nope.

Courtney said...

The only way I would do that show is if I got one of those neat freak women so when I got home my house was spotless and organized then I would just have to keep up with it from there...lol.

It would have been fun to watch you on THAT show, but I totally understand why you declined. You are a celebrity my friend. If Ty does come to your house, please remember your friend in OH who needs a vacation (perhaps to Texas)

Janet said...

I saw that show once. It was hideous. Good move to decline. Their only goal is to make all the participants look like complete idiots and wretched parents and spouses.

And I'm with the Commenter Courtney, if Ty does come to your house, your friend from Kentucky (who has experience in building houses) needs a vacation in Texas.

Becky said...

Wiping Ty's brow, lol.

Glad you turned down that particular show. I think it's just awful how they exploit families.

bren j. said...

Boy that IS a good picture of Mr. Pennington, now isn't it? Glad you declined....I honestly think Survivor might kill me, but at least you get a shot at a million bucks! Great post, Kellan!

Chantal said...

LOL you would totally ROCK survivor!

Sandra Carvalho said...

Hey Celebrity Girl!LOL!
Nice post!I love all those shows and yes I can picture you side by side to Ty!
Take care!!!
xoxo

Jocasta said...

That show screens here as well - so it's not just the whole country but the whole world watching and judging!

I wouldn't do it either!!

bermudabluez said...

Well, Kellan, we all know WHY they called you! Look at your blogroll! Do you know what that would do to the ABC Ratings??? SKY HIGH my friend!!! But I'm glad you turned them down. I do think they make the people look like idiots! And if Ty Pennington comes to your house, I'll be on the next plane....I could be your...uh....cousin?

TheCynicalOptimist said...

Hey, this Iowa girl would switch with you! Well, maybe for a weekeend but even that is about too long to be away from my kiddo!

Elaine A. said...

Oh that's such a crazy show. I had to stop watching when 2 of the Dads got in a fist fight at the meeting at the end of one episode!

Love how you brought back so many wonderful "Outside", I MEAN UPSIDE memories in this post! ; )

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